During these years without Jeremy, when usually only Moma and I were writing, I would sometimes ask her about her previous life. I don’t know if any of the information I got was accurate but I understood she was probably in her late 20’s when she died, had blond hair (she wrote), died on or about October 30th., 1999 (was brought to me by Jeremy in December, 1999) and her last name may have been Elizondo. On Oct. 9, 2007 I reminded her of her son, Sam. She became agitated and obviously disturbed. My arm became spastic, almost ridge and writing was jerky. I tried to reassure her and calm her. It was clear that she still had emotional connections with her incar son.
On Nov. 15 she wrote for me to “remember Jeremy well” and indicated that I needed to remember to bring him back to us.
On April 10, 2008 Moma wrote that “some” disincar being was to be with me every Tuesday and Thursday evening, the times we were writing regularly. I questioned who had decided that some being, possibly other then Moma, would be with me. She wrote some long word that I was unable to follow. As a shot in the dark, I questioned if angels decided. She replied “No.” Then I questioned if there were angels present where she was (I had never asked about angels before.) She answered “Yes.” Then I asked what they do and she wrote “Undevelop.” If any reader has an idea what that means, I would appreciate a comment!
June 27, 2008, in pursuit of knowledge and understanding of the disincarnate part of our universe, I queried Moma about how she interacted with other disincar beings: Were the interactions spiritual? “No.” Physical? “No.” Intellectual? “Yes”. Did she interact with Jeremy in other ways? “Yes”. How? “Orgasmic.”
Also, I questioned if we, as disincars, require sustenance? “Yes.” Eat it? “No.” Absorb it? “Yes.” Is it like energy? “Yes.” Is it like food? “No.” Is it like love? “Yes” (+/-). Is it like sex? “Yes” (+/-).
In August, 2008, I found that Moma was not aware of day, night, rain, or wind. She was aware of love, energy of the sun and my arm and the pen we wrote with. She also could perceive orchestral music (I may not have asked about other music) and the colors green, blue and red but not orange. She felt ecstasy and love but no pain, hunger, discomfort or boredom.
Moma was not always happy with me. On August 29, 2008, I asked her if she thought I was a pretty good doctor. Direct to the point, she replied “No.” I asked why. “You cheat.” How? “You want to compromise.”
In Nov. she wrote “You need to love—love.”
I took Moma’s “compromise” statement as a bit of a personal affront and spent some time considering it. It seemed to imply that compromise was not good. (That is a major topic in today’s world!) I realized that Moma’s last body had succumbed to cancer and she may have felt that her doctor’s had not fought it as well as they might have. However, I, as a family practitioner, frequently have to compromise with reality. We need to know when the fight is over and help our patients accept their impending physical death. There are times to compromise as well as times to continue fighting. Though I was taken aback when Moma wrote her answer I didn’t discuss it with her as I might have. But I did have to consider that Moma might have a valid point.
We all like to think that once we leave our physical bodies all will be clear to us and we will tap into all knowledge and understanding. That is so not true! When we leave our physical bodies we are still who we are, just without the body vehicle. True we become aware of the disincarnate part of our universe and we lose the pain and suffering inherent in our physical bodies. But we carry opinions (about doctors among other things?) and values and prejudices and ignorances that we had while incar. I do believe we may continue to learn and evolve while disincar and might even be better in our next physical life but I’m not sure that I witnessed that.
This being considered, over the next couple of years Moma was sometimes (often?) unhappy and frequently felt I was the cause of her unhappiness by not doing my share of the work preparing for Jeremy’s return. On November 6, 2008, Moma was “not okay.” When asked why, she replied “You did not make it”. I asked “Make what?” but she gave no answer. On Nov. 11th. I again asked what did I not make, but she wrote only “On A….” I could not make out the rest of the answer.
On Nov. 18th. Moma expressed fear that she would have to reincar and that she did not want to. I “prayed to”/asked the Powers That Be (PTB) to allow her to stay with me. This came up again in early 2009. We understood then that a new body for her was already developing. I again spoke to the PTB. On March 12, 2009, Moma wrote that the PTB “agreed” to allow her to stay with me. She was, understandably, a bit ambivalent.
On May 12, 2009, when I asked if she was okay, Moma wrote “No.” I asked “What is the problem?” and she replied “You. I gave up another life for you and you have not changed!” but she could not tell me what change I needed to make. A bit coldly, I replied only that we both needed to focus on our wait for Jeremy. I’m sure I should have been more understanding and supportive. To this day I still do not fully understand the parameters of Moma’s and my relationship.
On May 26th. she wrote “You need to give more love!” She also indicated that she was lonely. I suggested that we write more, adding a third day each week. We tried that a few weeks but it was difficult to fit it into my established schedule and often she was not there, so we were soon back to twice a week.
On June 30th. I asked Moma what she had been doing. She replied “Worship.” I asked, “Worship what?” and she replied “Life.” I then asked if she also worshiped prakriti and she wrote “Yes” (though I question if she understood what prakriti means.) A few weeks later I asked how she worshiped and she wrote “Meditate.” Then I questioned how much time she spent in meditation in the past week and she replied “All the time.” It was only later that I realized that this continuous meditation is a further step from the sexually focused early tantric meditation/worship. She was practicing being always in the present, disincar and incar —indeed a very high level meditation !
On December 10, 2009, Moma wrote “Remember.” I asked “Remember who or what?” Her reply “Jeremy.” I asked if she knew his new name. “No.” I then wondered if he will remember his name (Jeremy). She wrote “We will.”
April, 2010, Moma says that she does communicate with other disincar beings and some, but not all, are aware of her communication with me. I asked what is there to do when we’re disincar. She wrote, “Make want” but I have no idea what that means!
There was nothing noted of our communications from April 2010 until December 2010 when she was again threatened with reincarnation. I again asked the PTB to please allow her to stay with me since it was only 2 years until Jeremy was to return. On January 11, 2011 reincar was still being considered but not demanded by the PTB though it would be a “good reincar” and Moma was becoming doubtful that Jeremy would be returning. On January 18 and again on the 25th. the PTB encouraged Moma to reincar. However, on January 27th. she wrote that she had rejected reincarnation at that time and that the PTB were okay with her decision.
On March 17, 2011 Moma wrote that the preceding week a being from the PTB “panel” (? name Orien) had visited her and actually wrote with me briefly. I was not aware of it, but Moma said the PTB being was “Okay” with our writing.
On April 12th. Moma was here and happy. She wrote, “I have a boyfriend” but did not give his name. Later I understood that his name was William (he wrote his name) and that he had been known to Jeremy and me in past lives. He also said that he had left his last body 9 years before, which, I understand from some authorities, is a long time to be disincar. He also said that in the life prior to William he had been named Donald and died over 40 years ago. ( I had had a best friend named Donald who died at age 18 in 1964!) Later he wrote the he did not know Jeremy, Moma or me from his last life but left open that he may have known us earlier, perhaps when he was Donald. I am extremely skeptical about how much we can remember from previous lives ( this will be covered in the next couple of posts) but he made Moma happy so I was okay with him being around. I did advise him that if he was here to help us it would be okay for him to stay. If not the he should move on.
On May 19, 2011 William was not here. Per Moma, he felt threatened by my questions and left. Moma was sad and a little perturbed at me. I explained that it’s okay to have any relationship outside of our group that would not change our group, but that I wanted to make sure William did not threaten our relationship with Jeremy. On May 24th. William was back. I advised him of “rules” and expectations—that we were waiting for Jeremy to return and needed to maintain focus, etc. He seemed to understand and accept. He was present on June 14th. but gone on August 9 and 16. I questioned Moma re William’s attributes and she wrote “More uncontrolling.” I assumed she was implying that I was controlling but her statement may have had nothing to do with me.
On October 4, 2011 Moma’s writing was “hesitant.” She wrote that she had again been visited by the PTB and was advised not to write with me. On Oct. 6th. l questioned why the PTB advised against further communication between us. She wrote because I am a “Sleezo” (meaning weak, hedonistic, sordid, despicable I suppose.) I explained to Moma that I certainly may be a sleezo but that I have a good heart and want the best for all beings. I questioned to myself if Moma was angry with me because William had left or had become doubtful about Jeremy coming back and wanted out. However, we continued to write regularly.
In January, 2012 we were made aware that the PTB would tell us when to “pick up” Jeremy. On August 2nd, 2012 Moma was told that she was to meet Jeremy the next week. On August 7th we were told Jeremy would come back to us tomorrow! On August 8th Moma was here but a bit disturbed. She had been with Jeremy but he was not the same. He was with other newly disincarnate beings but confused and unaware. I advised Moma to return to him and give him love and comfort. ( This was the first time for Moma to “pick up” a recent disincar, as far as I know.)
On August 9th. Moma returned after being with Jeremy again. He was with his physical body—only 1-2 days dead—and did not recognize her. I encouraged her to be patient and stay with him and support him. I asked Moma where Jeremy’s body was but she didn’t know except that it was not in the Omaha area.
August 11, 2012 my notes exclaimed “Jeremy” Here !!! Moma was also here with him and wrote calmly. “Jeremy,’ however, seemed confused and questioning and only made small circles with the pen.