In most blogs every new post is placed at the top. I have manipulated posting dates so they are ordered from oldest post at the top to newest last. This should not make any difference to understanding these facts of my experiences. But it does keep the history in order, and helps me keep up with where I am and what of my personal understandings I have added. I will try to remember to put the actual posting date in the heading. Thanks, Jerry
Ok, first post….Deep breathe….
I am writing this because there have been experiences, maybe even intended revelations, that I am compelled to report.
On March 29, 1995, my 17 year old son, Jeremy, died suddenly. In January, 1996 I re-established communication with his disincarnate being through automatic writing and have continued communication with him and other disincarnate beings since. During this time I have learned several interesting facts about the disincarnate part of our universe.
In 2004 I wrote a book, “From Jeremy With Love” (original title, “Beloved Being,” was changed at request of publisher), detailing my back ground, Jeremy’s life and our communications after his physical death through his reincarnation. A copy of that book is attached here under “Menu” above. The book is short and fast reading. I do recommend you at least read chapters 9 through 13 in order to understand how I/we came to this point. This blog that should pick up at the end of the book. The last chapters of the book are concerned with my trying to digest and make sense of my experiences with incarnate-disincarnate communication and of my glimpses of disincarnate life.
This writing is not a religious exploration. I am not interested in beliefs. I am interested in my own factual observations and an examination of those observations. Some readers may find parallels or contradictions to their religious beliefs. For those who find conflict I suggest that this be read as sci-fi though I swear every stated fact is true. My proposed theories of explanation may border on belief but, hopefully, I will try to keep them on a more scientific plane rather then devolve into blind acceptance. If you find me wandering into belief realms, please call me on it.
Again, I assure you that every event and every communication in the book and in this blog is true. Nothing is fabricated. In places that I speculate on meaning or interpretation, I try to be clear that it is my interpretation.
I also assure you that throughout my incarnate-disincarnate communications and the few actual physical interactions over the past 23 years I have constantly questioned my own sanity and stability. I have paid close attention and assessed my thoughts, mental state, arm and hand muscles, movement of the writing pen, etc., etc. I am 99% convinced of the validity of my experiences, but I do continue to observe and question because of that remote possibility that this is all a fabrication of a grieving father. Though I profess sanity, I do accept that I well may be considered a bit eccentric and take a some pleasure in that.
Hopefully, these reports of my experiences will help expand your universe to include the reality of on-going life after the death of our physical bodies. If this writing conflicts enough with a reader’s belief system that the reader must consider me a nut or a liar please remember I hold truth to be the highest value so would prefer “nut.” Other readers will say, “Of course, we all know this.” If that is you, please share what you know. The more facts and observations we have, the better we can understand the disincarnate part of our existence. In this exploration we incarnate beings are the blind men examining an elephant (old Indian parable.) It would be nice to get together and form a more complete understanding of the elephant.
I need to define some terms and concepts I will be using in this writing. I realize that I may not use these completely correctly per pundits so I will try to explain what they mean to me here. Most of these terms come from yoga, particularly the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, various concepts from Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christianity, and some from various esoteric writing. These terms have come into my lexicon over many years and are used to define my understanding of the universe—my cosmology, if you will. Even though I profess to be trying to avoid religions and beliefs in favor of observations and facts, much of this edges close to religion and belief. Again, I will try to delineate between facts and belief.
In no particular order of importance (I will add to this list as I use or think of relevant terms/concepts.):
Duality: In every concept there is inherently its opposite. Black-white, good-evil, up-down, right-left, in-out, light-dark, positive-negative, love-hate, etc. One always creates the other. The first step in resolving duality, as far as I know, is to recognize that together the two sides create a “one”. I encourage people to ponder this. There is much energy in the separation of anything into duality. That energy plus the opposite energy of the natural urge to resolve the duality fuels much of the activity, social, physical and otherwise, in our world. (Think electrons-protons, democrats-republicans, any two tribes , present-nonpresent (past/future).) And there is an energy release when duality is resolved—- from nuclear fusion and exothermic chemical reactions, to divided social groups finding common ground, calmness of becoming “one” in meditation, two becoming one when making love—anything that brings us into “one.” Duality is possibly my favorite concept for contemplation. There are even areas of mathematics devoted to it (beyond my abilities to follow.) Again, I encourage all to consider duality.
Atma, Purusha and Prakriti: These terms come from Hinduism and there are subtle variations of meaning in different writings and from different ages and sects of Hinduism. I expect many, maybe most, Hindu scholars may disagree with my use of these terms, but…. This is what they mean to me. Atma is our very core within our soul— the consciousness that is carried by our souls into our bodies. It is the awareness of our experience. It is not the instigator of our activities or even our thinking. It the bit of “God” that is us.
I consider Purusha to be congruent with Atma but used with more emphasis on awareness. Purusha is the awareness or consciousness of prakriti. Prakriti is everything that can be contemplated, that is, everything that is not purusha (consciousness cannot contemplate itself—it simply is.) Together the duality of Purusha and Prakriti make up the entire universe—ENTIRE!
Important in this understanding of Purusha and Prakriti is the idea that nothing exist if there is not some awareness of it. This is the basis of the koan, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?” Purusha exists only as consciousness of Prakriti. Prakriti exists only as object of Purusha’s consciousness. The ultimate duality! And it resolves scientific theory and religious theory. At the moment of the “big bang” matter in all it’s forms (Prikriti) and consciousness of that matter (Purusha) came into existence together. For me, it is Prakriti plus Purusha that is GOD. I refer to this combination of Prakriti and Purusha as The Brahman (not to be confused with the creative facet of God called Brahma) though in many branches of Hinduism The Brahman is considered equivalent to the Atman (see below.) Our physical bodies, brain, mind, mental activity, even our “soul bodies” are all Prakriti, as well as all the material universe and energy in all forms.
All consciousness of the universe together, the total of all Purusha/Atma, is the Atman—the consciousness of God. That is why God knows all. Our consciousnesses are part of God’s consciousness. (I like to think I am a tiny, tiny pixel in God’s image of the universe.) I believe (yes believe) this ultimate duality of Purusha and Prakriti resolves only at the, so called, end of the universe.
One last thought on this subject of atma, Purusha and Prakrita. There is a wonderful term to describe our atma: SatChitAnanda—-being, consciousness, bliss. We have being, and consciousness (whether or we use it much). May we all know bliss.
Yoga Sutra IV 3 : Written about 2500 years ago, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali is a string (suture thus “sutra”) of short aphorisms (sutras/pearls on the string) defining the basis, practice, and intended outcomes of the practice of yoga. There are four Padas or sections each containing from 34 to 56 sutras. There are many translations of this into English. (My favorite is titled “The Science of Yoga” by I.K.Taimni, copyright 1961.) One of the most important for my general understanding of the nature of Prakriti is Sutra IV3 that says, “Causes do not put Prakriti into motion but only remove the obstacles and coverings, like a farmer removing barriers to let water flow into the field.” That is, changes that happen in prakriti are already inherent in the prakriti and only come about by removing obstructions to the changes. Ice is inherent in water and is “caused” by removing the energy that keeps the water molecules from forming crystals. Sugar in water can become alcohol by ingestion-digestion-excretion by yeast. Adding acid to a sucrose solution will break it down into glucose and fructose. Strong acid will reduce it to carbon. The glucose, fructose and carbon are already in the sucrose. But neither sugar water or lead can be turned into gold because gold is not inherent in them. Water into wine is getting into belief for me and I will not deny the possibility of true miracles. My understanding of life incarnate and disincarnate follows scientific ideas and laws known and understood and yet to be known and understood. So I use this rather direct and simple “scientific” yoga sutra to, in part, support my approach and understanding of the events that are discussed in the attached book and in the following blogs. Basically, I think this sutra says we can look at the subjects of life, death and reincarnation scientifically.
Incarnation, Disincarnation, and Reincarnation: I expect any reader who found this blog understands these terms but I want to make clear and alert readers to the abbreviations I will use in most of this writing. Incarnation (incar) living in an alive physical body. Disincarnation (disincar) living outside a physical body after death of the physical body. Reincarnation (reincar) reborn into a living physical body.
The following blogs will pick up where the book, From Jeremy With Love/Beloved Being ends and continue through his return (yes, he did return) to the present.
Please add comments, agreements, disagreements. Our worlds constantly expand. Sharing our experiences and understandings advance us all on our journeys.
I ended the book, From Jeremy With Love, in August, 2004. I am going to pick up with a few observations from mid 2003 that had not been included in the book, and then chronicle my interactions and communications with Moma, other disincarnate beings and Jeremy (after his disincar return) from that point. The content is rather random, guided by questions that I came up with at the time of interaction and emotional conditions, etc. ( When disincar we can be happy, sad, worried, relaxed, etc. just as we are incar.) Much of what I report here may seem very mundane to most readers but may provide insight to others. I prefer not to edit and decide what is important but to report all the data as best I can and allow the reader to determine what data, if any, is significant to him or her. I will, however, occasionally insert my interpretation of a communication.
In writing with Moma I realized that while I stood in the material incar world and she in the non-material disincar world, we were still both a little in each other’s world. We were/are in the same universe. This is reality. All of us are either enmeshed in and responsible for a material prikriti body or free of a material body—but all of our consciousnesses are always in one universe.
Several times Moma made clear that she would not check on reincarnated Jeremy because he had asked her to watch over me. During that time she frequently exhorted me to “write.” I hesitate to say it, but sometimes I think I was “set up” to report these experiences and communications—that I may have only been allowed to communicate with Jeremy and other disincar beings so I could tell others about them . And, I think the most important message that I have been given is that life goes on after death of our physical bodies and, under certain conditions, disincars and incars can communicate. Sorta “the media is the message.”
Jeremy had said that his reincar in 2002 would last only 10 years. In July, 2003, I questioned Moma if she would know when Jeremy was ready to leave his new body and she replied “Yes.” That was important to me. Since Jeremy had gone to meet Moma and bring her to us after her physical death/disincar, I was concerned that Jeremy would not find his way back to her and me without guidance.
In January, 2004, I asked Moma if she felt love around her. She wrote “yes.” I asked if she thought love might be empowering when we are disincarnate. Again she replied “yes.” After my encounter with the beings of light (see page 89 of book) I, personally, believe that love is has actual force, and, crazy as it sounds, that force may be physically measurable someday in a meaningful way. In February, I again noted in my writings with Moma that love may be the power that brings everything together, from subatomic particles through the most subtle structures to groups of all kinds, both small and large. (Reminding ourselves of all the implications of the love-hate duality.)
Also in February, 2004, Moma told me that she was “around” only part of the time but could not tell me where she was when not with me. (She had, however, told me in 2003 that she had been to “heaven,” but did not elaborate on that.) In December, 2004 I asked Moma where she would be if not here with me. She wrote that she didn’t know but the she “feels love here.” I suspect we all, incar or disincar,naturally gravitate to love—lots of implications!
In September, 2004, I asked Moma if she was considering reincarnation and she wrote “Yes.” I asked if she would make the decision. She replied “No.” When asked who will decide she wrote, “The others,” referring, I assume, to the panel of beings that Jeremy had dealt with who we called “The Powers That Be”. During this time, two years after Jeremy’s reincar, Moma was having doubts that he would leave his new body and return to us. I was also. No one wants a ten year old to die even if it would bring them back to us. On October 4, Moma was still interested in reincar but the decision still had not been made.
The subject of Moma reincarnating came up several times over the next eight years and, I admit, I was ambivalent. I wanted Moma to have what she desired but I also wanted her to stay with me through 2012 when Jeremy was supposed to come back. Several times I spoke to (prayed to?) The Powers That Be asking that, if Moma was to reincar, she should be born to loving parents in a good home, and, if not, she should be allowed to stay with me. But I always asked that God’s will be done. (For me God’s will is equivalent to dharma—cosmic order.)
Several times I asked Moma about ways to improve our communication. It was questionable if she could hear other people’s voices but she seemed to understand me okay. I asked if there was anything I could do to make our writing easier and she replied, “Yes, yoga.” I took this to mean that yoga would help my attention and focus. I also asked if alcohol would make communication easier. She wrote, “Harder.” (Alcohol relaxes the arms muscles and seems to make writing easier BUT use of alcohol is discouraged by others who do automatic writing, I understand, because it may open up the receiver too much and may be dangerous if the “channeled being” is in conflict.)
In early 2005 (? late 2004) a girl from Jeremy’s high school class died of renal cancer. Though Jeremy’s mother and I did not really know her when they were in school together, she and Jeremy seemed to have a strong connection and his death had been traumatic for her. She was sensitive, talented, and insightful. She and I corresponded several times after Jeremy’s physical death. On February 9, 2005, this disincar young lady joined Moma and I. (I assumed Moma guided her to us.) At first she seemed to be disoriented. When we tried to write together she did move the pen in my hand but wrote no words. However, on Feb. 24th when I asked “How are you?” and she wrote “Am.” Over the next several months she would be with us occasionally. In early June she wrote her name from left to right and right side up as if taking my arm from behind me. (Most all disincar automatic writing evolves to upside down and right to left as if being is in front and facing me.) Her writing was rather tight and she replied “yes” when I asked if she used much energy to write. When I asked her what being disincarnate is like, she clearly wrote “Nothing like I ever imagined.” That was the last time we wrote. I assume she moved on to be with other beings and eventually reincarnated.
My mother left her physical body on May 2, 2005 at the age of 90 after 7 years of total incapacitation following a severe stroke. She had suffered much through those last years and her physical death was a blessing. On May 8th Moma wrote that she had made contact with my mother, that she was not with us but she was alright. On May 12 Moma wrote, “Undead Mom undead.” I asked if she (Mom) wanted me to know that she’s alive and Moma wrote, “Yes.”
Mother joined us on July 22nd with her presence “announced” by Moma. I asked Mother to take my hand/pen. There was a change in feeling in my arm and the pen immediately began to move slowly left to right. (Moma had been writing right to left.) No words were written, just movement. On the 23rd Mother again moved the pen well, worked on writing right to left and did write “yes” but again left to right. On the 26th she wrote “no pain”, “feels joy” and replied “no” when asked if being disincar was as she expected. On July 31st, when asked how they were, Moma wrote “alright” from right to left and upside down. Mother then wrote “alright ” left to right and right side up. She also again wrote “no pain” and “feels love.” On August 10th I asked mother to write her name and she clearly wrote “Lillian.”
During this time period, Moma and I were writing about twice a week. Mother was with us intermittently. On Sept. 13th she was not here. I asked Moma where mother was. She wrote that she knows where Mother had gone but could not write where. (?) I questioned, “heaven?” and Moma replied “yes.” On the 21st and 22nd mother was back but had difficulty writing. We practiced writing the alphabet “normal” and upside down and backwards but we seemed to be working against each other. On October 11th. Moma wrote that mother was afraid but could not tell me why. On Oct 20th both Moma and Mother here. Mome wrote “unsure.” (???) Mother did not write.
During the next three months Mother and Moma both here intermittently, together or separately. Also other beings would occasionally be by for a few days. I tried to streamline communication by using vertical lines for “yes” and horizontal lines for “no” rather then waiting for the beings to learn to write words. This worked well for Mother as well as some other beings.
Moma was gone from Jan. 6 to Feb. 14, 2006. On return she clearly wrote her name (communication good) but could not or would not tell me where she had been. A week later she revealed that she had been speaking with the “Powers That Be” and that her reincarnation had been approved! She was gone several times in the next month to work on her reincar ( per Mother.) I understood that she hoped to be with Jeremy— both in new bodies. However, by March 29th. a new body had not been assigned and Moma understood that it may be another year. In June I noted that Moma was “not good” and seemed to be upset re her plans for reincarnation. In August she indicated that reincarnation was near but did not tell me when. Then in Sept she was happy, “fulfilled” with “no sadness” and “No frustration!” I questioned love. On Sept 19th. when asked what she had been doing, she wrote “worshiping.” From this I believe she had a new intimate companion and, perhaps, reincarnation was not as pressing. (Over the preceding years, when Jeremy and Moma were disincar together, I came to understand that “worshiping,” as they used the term, is a sexual type of union between beings—think of the Buddhist depictions of high beings/gods and their consorts/goddesses in sexual union! I believe the one-pointedness, the bonding, the focus that comes with sexual union can bring any being into the present moment and presence of God. That is the basis of Tantric Yoga, as I understand it, and why sex, notoriously, is used in teaching it. But sex is only a teaching tool. It’s the focus, the one-pointedness, being in the moment that is the object! I definitely advise any reader interested in Tantric Yoga to search out a qualified Tantric instructor.)
In June, 2006, Mother indicated that there was something wrong. It seems she had been advised that she “must” reincar but that she did not want to. However, unknown to us, no body had been “assigned” and it would be over 2 years before that would take place.
In January, 2007, the son of friends died after a long battle with leukemia. Some being, I believe him, came by on Jan.. 18th. He was exuberant with lots of energy. He wrote two letters (? his initials) and then wrote “I live I live live live!” I never told his parents about the visit. From my experience when Jeremy died, I knew they were in terrible mourning. I also knew they fully believed that their beloved son lived. I understood from Moma that that young man was by a few times in the next month but we never wrote again.
On April 12, 2007 Mother was present after being away for a few days. She indicated that she had been at a good, happy place, was doing okay and would be with me for a few days. I asked her to write her name as I often did if there was any question in my mind which being I was communicating with. She wrote “Lillian” but with some difficulty. On April 26th. Mother again wrote that she feels love and has no pain. For the first time she wrote that she wanted to reincarnate.
During 2007-2012, unless I was out of town, I sat at least twice a week to write/communicate with Moma and any other disincar being who might be present. Most of the communications were very mundane (“How are you?” “Is there anyone else here?” “Have you spoken with the Powers That Be?” (Rarely yes) etc.) Occasionally we would get into more substance and I would make notes concerning what I thought might be significant. Admittedly, my professional, family and social life was often distracting during this time and it was often weeks between conversations of substance. This blog writing is taken from the notes from those conversations and reflects the gaps between those of substance. Goodness knows how much I missed!
Several times over the years I would ask what I could do to improve communication between incar and disincar. ALWAYS the answer was “Yoga.” And I know Moma meant the deeper internal meditative stages of Yoga. Considering my puny yogic abilities, I can only imagine the universe that some advanced practitioners might experience.
On July 31st, 2007 I questioned Moma if she had remembered Jeremy from past lives. She wrote that she only knew him (remembered him?) from when he came to her after she had left her last “Moma” body. That turned out to be consistent with later revelations after Jeremy’s return.
On August 9th. I asked Moma if it is hard to write with incar beings (me). She replied “No.” I asked if other disincar beings know about our writing. “Yes.” And if it is okay with them. “Yes.” Then I asked “Why is it okay?” She wrote back: “You will tell others.”
On September 6, 2007 Moma wrote the Mother was reincarnated but did not know where. However, Mother was back on November 27, 2007 and again on February 14 and April 3, 2008. Mother finally did have a “good reincarnation”, per Moma, on October 7, 2008. I can assume that Moma assumed that Mother had been reincarnated in September, 2007, or that she was to have been reincarnated and it failed because of miscarriage or abortion, or some other reason. I also don’t know it Mother’s new body was actually born on October 7, 2008 or if that was when she took permanent position of the body. (see discussion of body development and reincarnation in Summary posts.)
During these years without Jeremy, when usually only Moma and I were writing, I would sometimes ask her about her previous life. I don’t know if any of the information I got was accurate but I understood she was probably in her late 20’s when she died, had blond hair (she wrote), died on or about October 30th., 1999 (was brought to me by Jeremy in December, 1999) and her last name may have been Elizondo. On Oct. 9, 2007 I reminded her of her son, Sam. She became agitated and obviously disturbed. My arm became spastic, almost ridge and writing was jerky. I tried to reassure her and calm her. It was clear that she still had emotional connections with her incar son.
On Nov. 15 she wrote for me to “remember Jeremy well” and indicated that I needed to remember to bring him back to us.
On April 10, 2008 Moma wrote that “some” disincar being was to be with me every Tuesday and Thursday evening, the times we were writing regularly. I questioned who had decided that some being, possibly other then Moma, would be with me. She wrote some long word that I was unable to follow. As a shot in the dark, I questioned if angels decided. She replied “No.” Then I questioned if there were angels present where she was (I had never asked about angels before.) She answered “Yes.” Then I asked what they do and she wrote “Undevelop.” If any reader has an idea what that means, I would appreciate a comment!
June 27, 2008, in pursuit of knowledge and understanding of the disincarnate part of our universe, I queried Moma about how she interacted with other disincar beings: Were the interactions spiritual? “No.” Physical? “No.” Intellectual? “Yes”. Did she interact with Jeremy in other ways? “Yes”. How? “Orgasmic.”
Also, I questioned if we, as disincars, require sustenance? “Yes.” Eat it? “No.” Absorb it? “Yes.” Is it like energy? “Yes.” Is it like food? “No.” Is it like love? “Yes” (+/-). Is it like sex? “Yes” (+/-).
In August, 2008, I found that Moma was not aware of day, night, rain, or wind. She was aware of love, energy of the sun and my arm and the pen we wrote with. She also could perceive orchestral music (I may not have asked about other music) and the colors green, blue and red but not orange. She felt ecstasy and love but no pain, hunger, discomfort or boredom.
Moma was not always happy with me. On August 29, 2008, I asked her if she thought I was a pretty good doctor. Direct to the point, she replied “No.” I asked why. “You cheat.” How? “You want to compromise.”
In Nov. she wrote “You need to love—love.”
I took Moma’s “compromise” statement as a bit of a personal affront and spent some time considering it. It seemed to imply that compromise was not good. (That is a major topic in today’s world!) I realized that Moma’s last body had succumbed to cancer and she may have felt that her doctor’s had not fought it as well as they might have. However, I, as a family practitioner, frequently have to compromise with reality. We need to know when the fight is over and help our patients accept their impending physical death. There are times to compromise as well as times to continue fighting. Though I was taken aback when Moma wrote her answer I didn’t discuss it with her as I might have. But I did have to consider that Moma might have a valid point.
We all like to think that once we leave our physical bodies all will be clear to us and we will tap into all knowledge and understanding. That is so not true! When we leave our physical bodies we are still who we are, just without the body vehicle. True we become aware of the disincarnate part of our universe and we lose the pain and suffering inherent in our physical bodies. But we carry opinions (about doctors among other things?) and values and prejudices and ignorances that we had while incar. I do believe we may continue to learn and evolve while disincar and might even be better in our next physical life but I’m not sure that I witnessed that.
This being considered, over the next couple of years Moma was sometimes (often?) unhappy and frequently felt I was the cause of her unhappiness by not doing my share of the work preparing for Jeremy’s return. On November 6, 2008, Moma was “not okay.” When asked why, she replied “You did not make it”. I asked “Make what?” but she gave no answer. On Nov. 11th. I again asked what did I not make, but she wrote only “On A….” I could not make out the rest of the answer.
On Nov. 18th. Moma expressed fear that she would have to reincar and that she did not want to. I “prayed to”/asked the Powers That Be (PTB) to allow her to stay with me. This came up again in early 2009. We understood then that a new body for her was already developing. I again spoke to the PTB. On March 12, 2009, Moma wrote that the PTB “agreed” to allow her to stay with me. She was, understandably, a bit ambivalent.
On May 12, 2009, when I asked if she was okay, Moma wrote “No.” I asked “What is the problem?” and she replied “You. I gave up another life for you and you have not changed!” but she could not tell me what change I needed to make. A bit coldly, I replied only that we both needed to focus on our wait for Jeremy. I’m sure I should have been more understanding and supportive. To this day I still do not fully understand the parameters of Moma’s and my relationship.
On May 26th. she wrote “You need to give more love!” She also indicated that she was lonely. I suggested that we write more, adding a third day each week. We tried that a few weeks but it was difficult to fit it into my established schedule and often she was not there, so we were soon back to twice a week.
On June 30th. I asked Moma what she had been doing. She replied “Worship.” I asked, “Worship what?” and she replied “Life.” I then asked if she also worshiped prakriti and she wrote “Yes” (though I question if she understood what prakriti means.) A few weeks later I asked how she worshiped and she wrote “Meditate.” Then I questioned how much time she spent in meditation in the past week and she replied “All the time.” It was only later that I realized that this continuous meditation is a further step from the sexually focused early tantric meditation/worship. She was practicing being always in the present, disincar and incar —indeed a very high level meditation !
On December 10, 2009, Moma wrote “Remember.” I asked “Remember who or what?” Her reply “Jeremy.” I asked if she knew his new name. “No.” I then wondered if he will remember his name (Jeremy). She wrote “We will.”
April, 2010, Moma says that she does communicate with other disincar beings and some, but not all, are aware of her communication with me. I asked what is there to do when we’re disincar. She wrote, “Make want” but I have no idea what that means!
There was nothing noted of our communications from April 2010 until December 2010 when she was again threatened with reincarnation. I again asked the PTB to please allow her to stay with me since it was only 2 years until Jeremy was to return. On January 11, 2011 reincar was still being considered but not demanded by the PTB though it would be a “good reincar” and Moma was becoming doubtful that Jeremy would be returning. On January 18 and again on the 25th. the PTB encouraged Moma to reincar. However, on January 27th. she wrote that she had rejected reincarnation at that time and that the PTB were okay with her decision.
On March 17, 2011 Moma wrote that the preceding week a being from the PTB “panel” (? name Orien) had visited her and actually wrote with me briefly. I was not aware of it, but Moma said the PTB being was “Okay” with our writing.
On April 12th. Moma was here and happy. She wrote, “I have a boyfriend” but did not give his name. Later I understood that his name was William (he wrote his name) and that he had been known to Jeremy and me in past lives. He also said that he had left his last body 9 years before, which, I understand from some authorities, is a long time to be disincar. He also said that in the life prior to William he had been named Donald and died over 40 years ago. ( I had had a best friend named Donald who died at age 18 in 1964!) Later he wrote the he did not know Jeremy, Moma or me from his last life but left open that he may have known us earlier, perhaps when he was Donald. I am extremely skeptical about how much we can remember from previous lives ( this will be covered in the next couple of posts) but he made Moma happy so I was okay with him being around. I did advise him that if he was here to help us it would be okay for him to stay. If not the he should move on.
On May 19, 2011 William was not here. Per Moma, he felt threatened by my questions and left. Moma was sad and a little perturbed at me. I explained that it’s okay to have any relationship outside of our group that would not change our group, but that I wanted to make sure William did not threaten our relationship with Jeremy. On May 24th. William was back. I advised him of “rules” and expectations—that we were waiting for Jeremy to return and needed to maintain focus, etc. He seemed to understand and accept. He was present on June 14th. but gone on August 9 and 16. I questioned Moma re William’s attributes and she wrote “More uncontrolling.” I assumed she was implying that I was controlling but her statement may have had nothing to do with me.
On October 4, 2011 Moma’s writing was “hesitant.” She wrote that she had again been visited by the PTB and was advised not to write with me. On Oct. 6th. l questioned why the PTB advised against further communication between us. She wrote because I am a “Sleezo” (meaning weak, hedonistic, sordid, despicable I suppose.) I explained to Moma that I certainly may be a sleezo but that I have a good heart and want the best for all beings. I questioned to myself if Moma was angry with me because William had left or had become doubtful about Jeremy coming back and wanted out. However, we continued to write regularly.
In January, 2012 we were made aware that the PTB would tell us when to “pick up” Jeremy. On August 2nd, 2012 Moma was told that she was to meet Jeremy the next week. On August 7th we were told Jeremy would come back to us tomorrow! On August 8th Moma was here but a bit disturbed. She had been with Jeremy but he was not the same. He was with other newly disincarnate beings but confused and unaware. I advised Moma to return to him and give him love and comfort. ( This was the first time for Moma to “pick up” a recent disincar, as far as I know.)
On August 9th. Moma returned after being with Jeremy again. He was with his physical body—only 1-2 days dead—and did not recognize her. I encouraged her to be patient and stay with him and support him. I asked Moma where Jeremy’s body was but she didn’t know except that it was not in the Omaha area.
August 11, 2012 my notes exclaimed “Jeremy” Here !!! Moma was also here with him and wrote calmly. “Jeremy,’ however, seemed confused and questioning and only made small circles with the pen.
On August 11, 2012 newly disincarnate “Jeremy” was brought back to my meditation room by Moma. On August 12th, Moma wrote rather weakly as if tired or distracted. “Jeremy” took the pen but barely moved it. I told him his story about his previous incarnation as Jeremy, his disincarnation (death) and last reincarnation with the understanding that he would remain in that physical body only 10 years. I did find out that his name in his last life had been Michael (? spelled Mihael.) I also began to understand that he had no memory of being “Jeremy,” identifying himself as 10 year old Michael. Over the next few writings I tried calling him Jeremy with little to no response. Thereafter I addressed him as Michael, Mike (his preferred) or Michael-Jeremy. (In the rest of these posts I will refer to him as M/J for Michael-Jeremy.)
From those first days we practiced writing. M/J picked it up quickly. Within a couple of months he evolved from writing right side up from left to right to sideways to writing upside down from right to left. He also appeared to be writing in cursive which, I doubt, a 10 year old would be practiced in. However, in automatic writing the pen stays on the page rather then jumping up and down from letter to letter so all writing appears “cursive.”
On September 7th. Moma and M/J were here but Moma was not okay! M/J was still acting like a 10 year old boy. I had a long talk with (at) M/J explaining that his last physical body had only grown to a 10 year old level before he had to leave it but that his spiritual body was actually a mature being that would be more in the 25 or 26 year old range if physical. And that it is that mature M/J being, that had been known and loved by Moma. I doubt M/J understood most of that, reorientation in or out of a physical body takes time, but it was a beginning. I also had long talks with him about who he and I were/are and our relationship.
On November 8, 2012 the Powers That Be (PTB) advised Moma that she should reincar. Moma had been disincar since October, 1999— 13 years. That seems to be a long time to be disincar (authorities have differing opinions on average time) and the PTB may have been feeling “pushy.” I prayed to the PTB to allow Moma to stay with us unless the reincar they had in mind was the very best for her. On the 15th. reincar was still being planned. I again spoke to the PTB admitting that I was, in part, afraid that without Moma I could not continue my interaction/communication with M/J. I also wanted her to have a really good reincar rather then be pressured into a mediocre reincar because she was overdue. I did resign myself to Moma’s reincar as planned when it continued in process on November 27th. It appeared to be on schedule per our writing on January 31st, 2013. However, by our writing on April 2nd she still had not been introduced to a new physical body. By mid April it was clear that something had gone wrong and that reincar was not happening for Moma. She was not happy.
In late November, 2012 M/J was still in 10 year old boy mode, flustering Moma. I again gave the “mature spiritual body” lecture. However, it seemed to take another 6 months for him to realize his maturity. During these months I found that M/J probably had 2 siblings in his last life. Initially I thought 2 brothers but later decided, and reaffirmed, a brother and a sister. Also he wrote that he had had a “yellow dog”. On May 5, 2013 M/J wrote that he had been happy in his last life and would like to go back.
August 13, 2013 Moma here and now okay with M/J. He was not here and there was some suggestion that he was doing something with the PTB, though that was definitely speculative.
On September 10, 2013 M/J was here complaining of being “bored” and writing that he would like to reincar. Now that he was acting more mature, I advised him to consider an intimate relationship with Moma since that had made them happy during his previous disincarnation. Over the next couple of months they did develop a sexual relationship (“spiritual-sexual” I suppose since “physical” not available) and were, apparently, very active. On November 13th. I made a note that they seemed to be at a level of “tantric oneness!” but I don’t know that that really means anything. They were involved enough that M/J, with his limited 10 year old experience, asked if they could create another being to be their child. I tried to explain that, as far as I knew, that was limited to the physical world. I did not try to discuss the many very interesting questions that his inquiry suggested. I hope to explore some of those in future blogs.
December 15, 2013 M/J and Moma were here and doing okay. They had had no interactions with the PTB and did not want to reincar.
January 28, 2014, I questioned if they were aware of disincar animals but they knew of none.
February 4, 2014, I questioned if they stayed in my meditation room where we wrote when we weren’t writing. They replied that they came only on Tuesday and Thursday evenings when we wrote.
March 4, 2014, they wrote that they feel God’s love when they “worship.” I assumed that by worship they meant sexual union, as in the past, but they could have meant more direct meditation or some other form of worship.
March 11th. Moma not here. It appeared that she and M/J had had some argument or disagreement. I told him about when he had reincarnated as Michael and advised him to make up with Moma On the 13th there was still conflict between the two. I discussed (lectured?) about being a group, family, all for one and one for all, etc. I also advised them to go past their fantasies and expectations and accept reality. In retrospect I see how truly ridiculous that advice was since I had little real knowledge of their disincarnate reality or fantasies or expectations. I was treating Moma like the 28 or 29 year old she had been and M/J like the 10 year old going on 25 he was.
March 20th. Moma and M/J both here and “Okay” but both want to reincar and say they are waiting on the PTB to assign.
March 25th. M/J has gone to meet with the PTB but no reason given to me. On the 27th he is back, says meeting was not about reincar but can’t or won’t tell me more. Moma here and okay. On April 4th. M/J says PTB are concerned about me ! He writes “We Are!” then “not reincarnate or disincarnate—just ARE!” Next, on April 15th. he wrote that the PTB are not upset with me but are afraid of our ongoing relationship. Then on May 15th wrote that he is here only because the PTB directed him to be, that he hates me and wants me to not communicate with him, and added that he loves others, indicating his previous families.
I, naturally, was upset/disturbed by M/J’s anger and tried to understand. We all know that love and hate are opposite sides of the same attachment. I questioned if our attachment was keeping one or both of us from moving on. I questioned if M/J, with no memory of me, simply did not want his life to be interfered with and manipulated by some old incar. I questioned why the PTB wanted him to stay in our relationship. Was it for me or him or were we exploring a profound truth that the PTB wanted revealed in the way we were doing? I even questioned if we were playing in some absurd satanic farce!
The next day, May 16th, 2014, M/J again here. He wrote that he hates me without reason, with no focus. That it is simply hatred within him. He needs to let it out and the PTB think that, since I love him, I can be the focus through which he can let it out. So he was assigned to continue to communicate with me by the PTB. I told him that I wanted him to identify and focus on one thing about me that he hates. That I may hate it too. And together we will work on accepting and changing it. Then I added that differences are what make us individuals and similarities are what gives us the ability to communicate. (Probable BS that I would not try to defend in an argument with a real philosopher but sounded pretty good.)
On May 20th. M/J here. He writes that there is “nothing” he hates about me except that I am incar and he is not and he wants us to all be together. I told him I do too. He thinks he might be able to stay disincar until 2022 when I leave my physical body (more about this in later blogs) but I don’t expect that. On May 27th. M/J says he does not feel hate toward me but agrees to “give me his hate” so I can hold and negate it. On May 29th. he did not feel hatred “as much.” And I realized then that I did not feel as attached to him as I had. For me he had moved from being my beloved son to a friend, brother, partner. I/we had reached a resolution in our relationship!
On June 5th M/J and Moma here and both wrote briefly. I noted that there was a complete change in speed and style of writing from one to the other, Moma’s being more drawn out then M/J’s. There was also a change of feeling in my arm when writers changed.
June 17, 2014 Moma was again not happy in her relationship with M/J. She wrote that he says he loves her and wants to be with her but that he’s different from when he was Jeremy and she does not trust him. She suggests that she may go to the PTB and request a “separation.” On June 19th. she was here, again alone, after another (?) conflict. She wrote that she did not know where M/J was and that she had not contacted the PTB.
June 24th. M/J back and “Okay” but does not want to write about his and Moma;s problems. June 26th both here and “Okay” but not doing well together. I advised they try being supportive of each other but without attachment or needing each other—more like neighbors.
For the next several months M/J and Moma did seem to get along reasonably well in a sort of detente. On July 10th. they were together and okay. On August 14th. together they wrote that they both wanted to reincar. I gave my blessing.
Discussions re Moma’s and M/J’s reincar took up most of the next year and included consideration of my coming disincar/physical death and anticipation of my next reincar. This will require some explaining and personal revelation which I will do at the beginning of my next post.