November, 2022

Needless to say, I did not disincarnate on May 22, 2022 as I had been led to expect. And so I get a chance to write this. I do more and more believe that being disincarnate does not give beings (most beings?) any particular special knowledge, especially knowledge of the future. Their disincarnate and our incarnate “predictions” seem to be based on the same things…age, general conditions, expectations, etc. However, if I am given another date for my “imminent” physical demise, I will probably again pay attention!

I was a bit disappointed when I did not move on, but in the months before May 22 I did accomplish much in preparation to leave. I got my will updated, wrote notes to be given to many family members and friends after my departure, gave away books and distributed many household items to ease my executor’s responsibilities. And that did make me freer in this continued physical life. Interestingly, that also made me a little “at loose ends”. But I am finding a new grounding within myself separate from outside material things.

One of the things I did in those months prior to May was develop this yoga meditation sadhana. I presented a more concise version of this in the Summary Post Four below. I also taught a “beta version” to a small group at the Dallas Yoga Center. Here, in this blog, I want to give more detailed instructions in hopes to answer questions that may come up for a practitioner. I hope this helps guide some yoga, spiritual, meditation students to the spiritual-physical wholeness levels that I have found through this.

———————————————————————————————————————————————————-

A sadhana is a ritual designed to bring the performer of the ritual closer to divinity. In the case of a yoga sadhana, that divinity is the divinity within us. This is intended to link–yoke together– our entire being from our gross physical bodies all the way to our inner Satchitananda—our ultimate being, consciousness and bliss. This sadhana follows the outline given by the great Patanjali in the second chapter (Sadhana Pada) and the beginning of the third chapter of his Yoga Sutras. It is designed to bring us into balance and harmony— socially, physically, energetically, mentally, and spiritually. It starts with acknowledging our responsibilities and intent in “being” in these incarnations and carries us through the levels (bodies or koshas) of our beings to find our divinity in Samadhi.

There are a couple of basic tenets that I find necessary to understand the level of yoga that this sadhana addresses. Many may consider these beliefs. I consider these facts: We are spiritual beings…bits of God consciousness (Jivatma)…carried in these interactive spiritual complexes we call our souls. These souls-Jivatma are incarnate in our gross physical bodies. These bodies, our material vehicles, are transient. They are part of the physical world. They grow from the seed of our parents, develop to a point, deteriorate, and return to the physical matter from which they were made. At that point, when our physical bodies die, our spiritual bodies, carrying our bits of God, go on disincarnate to either transcend to another level or reincarnate in the future.

—————————————————-

In preparation for this sadhana or any meditation practice we should always seek out a quiet, safe space where we will not be disturbed. Sit in a chair or on the floor or a cushion in a comfortable pose that you can hold without strain for about 30 minutes. Generally, eyes are gently closed but may be open. (I find the drying and need to blink distracting). The entire sadhana usually takes me 25 to 40 minutes, but, with practice, it can be modified. Some steps I can get through rather fast if I need. In other steps I sometimes linger…often in bliss!

The eight steps in this sadhana address the different levels of our beings from the grossest to the most subtle. (Steps 1 and 2 are considered together here since there is no significant mental transition between the two.)

——————————————–

Steps 1 and 2: Yamas (self-restraints) and Niyamas (observances). These 5 Yamas and 5 Niyamas are often thought as the similar to the Hebrew Ten Commandments, but the TC primarily have to do with a relationship with an omnipotent being. These (Y and N) focus primarily on our individual personal responsibility and intent. I like to think of them as giving myself daily life instructions as I might give instructions to my teenage self about to use the car on a Saturday night.

The five Yamas are Ahimsa (abstinence from violence), Satya (truthfulness), Asteya (abstinence from stealing), Brahmacharya (control of normal bodily urges), and Aparigraha (non-possessiveness /non-coveting). Brahmacharya is usually thought of only as prescribing celibacy. I consider it accepting responsibility for controlling physical bodily urges, the most basic of which are eating and sex, the needs to nourish and reproduce.

The five Niyamas are Sauca (purity), Samtosa (contentment), Tapas (austerity), Svadhyaya (study of sacred scriptures) and Isvara-pranidhana (surrender to God). Here, for me, God includes God within us, our Jivatma.

Setting for meditation, with eyes closed, I will literally think to myself “With this body I will do no harm. I will not lie, I will not steal. I will control my body’s urges. I will not covet. I will practice purity. I will practice contentment. I will practice austerity. I will study and consider my relationship the rest of the universe. And I will trust God.” I may rephrase many of these. I may spend extra time considering different ones. I will almost always spend extra time with contentment and purity because just thinking about being contented and pure gives such a wonderful feeling throughout my body. And these are feelings I can remember and return to whenever I need. Similar changes occur with each of the Yamas and Niyamas. When we are open and absorb these ideas into our consciousness, they seem to make subtle adjustments to our being through our energy bodies (addressed below). Out posture changes. The energy throughout our bodies changes. We become as we think!

—————————————————

Step 3: Asana (posture). This is addressing our gross physical bodies—our Annamaya Koshas. Hopefully, we have exercised, stretched, treated our bodies well and are reasonably healthy. In this step of the sadhana we check through our bodies rather like checking out an automobile before driving—kicking the tires, checking oil and fuel level, etc.

For this step I scan back and forth through my body from head to toe as we do in Vipassana Meditation. As a retired physician I can get very detailed, unnecessarily, and spend a long time in this step. Sometimes I have to push myself through. This step is just to make sure the physical part of your being is okay.

—————————————————-

Step 4: Pranayama (regulation of breath). This is addressing our energy bodies—our Pranamaya Koshas. This step is fairly easy to get through but the most complicated to understand because it is where the “physical” and “spiritual” connect in a scientific sense. Breathing, “the breath of life”, does more that bring in oxygen and get rid of carbon dioxide. The act of inhalation causes a negative pressure in the thorax, pulling in air form the outside, but also blood and lymphatic fluids from the rest of the body. Exhalation causes a positive chest pressure, expelling air and slowing this flow of body fluids into the thorax and to the heart. (One of the reasons to prolong exhalation in pranayama is to slow flow of fluids to the chest rather than stop the flow as can happen with forced exhalation. Some pranayama practices with drastically altered flow can cause cardiac arrhythmias and can be very dangerous if not worked into slowly. Students should always be supervised when learning them!)

Importantly, ionized particles flowing through any tube or channel—blood vessels, lymphatic channels, even pores in nerves and individual cell— create an energy field, primarily very subtle but in part grossly measurable by EKG, EEG, EMG, etc. This, I believe, contributes to our energy bodies. I cannot say that this energy field “creates” the Pranamaya Kosha because that seems to go on as the energetic body of our souls after disincarnation and the production of this physical energy field has ceased. But it is reasonable to think that this energy field produced by our breathing physical bodies contributes to our Pranamaya Koshas.

Yoga texts will divide pranic energy into 5 “types”: Prana (upward flowing energy), Apana (downward flowing energy), Udana (intaking of energy), Samana (processing energy) and Vyana (distribution of energy).

In this sadhana step I address Udana first. I inhale and visualize intaking energy via air and food. With exhalation I visualize an upward flow of energy. I do this a two or three breathes. Then with a couple of breathes I visualize processing energy (Samana) in my stomach, bowel and liver with downward energy flow on exhalation. With the next few breathes I visualize that energy that I’ve taken in and processed being distributed throughout my body (Vyana). Then I spend several breathes feeling the energy flow up as I inhale, and air and fluids are pulled into my chest (Prana) and then flow down as I exhale (Apana).

At this point in similar sadhanas a few rounds of alternate nostril breathing may be added. However, I found, for me, that that broke the continuity and was more distracting than contributory.

These four steps, Yamas, Niyamas, Asana, and Pranayama constitute “outer yoga”. From here we move inside to the meditative “inner yoga.”

——————————————————

Step 5: Pratyahara (sense withdrawal). This step does not address our definable koshas / bodies, as does Asana and Pranayama or the following steps, but is extremely important. This is the step that moves our focus from the outside physical body (Annamaya Kosha) and energy body (Pranamaya Kosha) to the inner parts of our beings, the Manomaya Kosha, Vijnanamaya Kosha, and, ultimately, the Anandamaya Kosha. It is because of this withdrawal from the outside world that it is important to be in a protected safe space with minimal distractions when doing this sadhana or any meditation practice.

Getting through this step initially seems contrived and difficult. But with practice it becomes easier and easier to withdraw from seeing, hearing, smelling or tasting the outside world or even feeling your own body. Of course, all the nerve and sense organ connections are still there, but our attention is taken away from them and directed to our inner selves. This is similar to being very engrossed in a book or some activity to the point of being oblivious to anything else. At the deepest level of Pratyahara it is almost impossible to bring someone out. However, for most of us a distraction such as an unexpected noise will cause us to jump higher than we would have in a normal state because our consciousness was not anticipating and ready for outside stimulation, nor were we drawn in enough to completely block out the noise.

Pratyahara is, like the Pranayama step, a breathing and visualization practice. One at a time I breathe in with focus on one of my five senses and exhale taking the focus of that sense to my “third eye”. This is one of the most important transition points in this entire sadhana. The “third eye”, just above the eyebrows in the center of the forehead, is literally the medial prefrontal cortex area of the brain. With the advent of functional brain imaging in the early 2000″s, we found that this area is activated when we are thinking about ourselves in the present moment—not ourselves in the past or the future. When our consciousnesses are focused on our “third eyes” WE ARE PRESENT IN THE PRESENT MOMENT!

We access this medial prefrontal area best with eyes either gently closed or slightly open, softly raised and feeling slightly crossed, internally gazing at the third eye. At first this may feel unnatural but with practice and relaxation it will become comfortable.

In practice I inhale taking my focus to one or another of my sense organs, and exhale “taking” that sense awareness to my third eye mentally disconnecting it from outside stimulation. I repeat this for each sense one at a time…. tongue for taste, eyes for sight, nose for smell, ears for hearing, and full body for sense of feeling. The senses may be taken in any order, but one by one they are taken to the third eye.

Dealing with full body sense of feeling is probably most difficult. Often, particularly when first practicing, when we get to body feeling, an itch or minor pain or tickle will demand our attention. This can be almost maddening but gives a good opportunity to practice controlling our focus. Ignored, these distractions will resolve themselves while we stay focused on our inner selves in the moment. This can take real will power!

———————————————————-

So, completing Pratyahara we are now consciously focused on and in our third eyes and are already in the early stage of the next step, Dharana.

Step 6: Dharana (concentration). This addresses the Manomaya Kosha, the mental body, and is the first real step into meditation. And, with our focus already on our third eyes we are already into it. Holding there, the object of this period of concentration is to maintain focus without extraneous thoughts as long as we want. We have already blocked external input as best we can. From here the major source of any distraction is internal input…thoughts. If there are worries or problems that we are dealing with, this is where they will most demand attention. Occasionally, the intruding thoughts are so demanding that it is best to give up and work through the problem. And, in this setting, good insight and solutions are often forthcoming. Most of the time we can take control back with a short TM type mantra (such as So-Hum) that snaps us back into focus or we may need to repeat Pratyahara and refocus. With practice it gets easier and easier to hold focus. Relaxing and giving up any idea or sense of time is helpful.

A full minute in true Dharana is usually sufficient. At that point, instead of actually “being in” that concentrating Dharana-Manomaya Kosha part of our minds (I experience Dharana in the front of my brain around the area of my third eye) we usually realize that we are also watching this part from a larger global part of our mind. We are both the observed and the observer! That leads to Dhyana…meditation!

——————————————————–

There are a couple of absolute rules when following your consciousness through your kosha layers: IF you can observe it, you are not that. IF you can manipulate it, you are not that. You are the observer and the manipulator. And you may repeat being observer and manipulator at different steps until you’re complete.

——————————————————–

7. Dhyana (meditation) in the Vijnanamaya Kosha, the intellectual discriminative body. After a few seconds to a few minutes in Dharana (concentration), you become aware that you are observing yourself concentrating. You may watch for a few minutes, but then, being aware of being the observer, make yourself step back, fall back, flip back into consciously BEING the observer. You are already the observer, so this is relatively easy with a bit of practice. Here, a step further in from concentration, you will find yourself in the larger, more expansive “mind” of meditation. Here you may experience a total empty void, but often random thoughts float around with no reason. This is the place to let them go by with little notice. Fighting thoughts here only gives them power. Relax! Hang out here for a while. Enjoy the calm. Get a feel for the size of this area. It’s often much larger than you would expect!

After a few minutes in meditation, we usually become aware again that there is more. We realize that we are observing this part of our beings and that means we are not this. So, we look for a way to move on to the next level, Samadhi!

8. Samadhi (union). This is reaching the Anandamaya Kosha, the bliss body. I understand that if we can stay in true meditation for about 20 minutes, we often naturally go into Samadhi. But, with my touch of ADD, that’s almost impossible. To achieve the same state as holding meditation for 20 minutes, we can consciously slow our brain waves to a Theta level (4-8 Hz) essentially giving our meditating brain Savasana. I consciously “ratchet” my brain activity down until I feel that I am about to dose off. My mind-brain feels almost like a soccer ball going flat! Here the thinking brain of the Vijnanamaya Kosha is not demanding attention. I am not aware of outside stimulation. I am safe and comfortable. Now, just before I dose off, I find I naturally bring my inner gaze back to my third eyes and I immediately awaken to my true self in the bliss my Anandamaya Kosha. There is a sometimes-startling clarity, an alertness, an awakeness! I also always feel a fullness in my mid and lower chest (We are told that our souls reside near our hearts!) that expands to fill my body. I realize that I am NOT in my head.

My mind is still working, observing and processing. And I can look back at my thinking mind. But I am not in the thinking mind. I am in my “heart,” my bliss, my Anandamaya Kosha. (I am sure this is where all meditation techniques seek to take us!) When I “look around” from this place I am also aware that there is nowhere else to go. I cannot observe or manipulate this. I am my complete being! My yoga is complete.

At this point, since I am not looking for another deeper level to explore, I bask in the bliss of Samadhi in the Anandamaya Kosha for a few minutes. Then I may take that bliss back through the rest of my being, my Vijnanamaya Kosha (intellect-discriminative body), my Manomaya Kosha (mental body), my Pranamaya Kosha (energy body), and my Annamaya Kosha (physical body). Or, since this is as close as I can get to God within, I may spend time in worship, trying to connect with universal God, the Paramatman!

—————————————————-

Samayama: Getting through the steps of inner yoga takes some practice. Flipping or stepping back from concentration (Dharana) to meditation (Dhyana) and slowing the meditating brain activity to allow us to find ourselves in the bliss of Samadhi in our Anandamaya Kosha bodies takes some practice. But, amazingly quickly, those steps will happen smoothly without effort. Also, with a little more effort, these three parts, Dharana, Dhyana, and Samadhi, flow together and almost blend together. This is called Samayama and is the place from which we can explore our full potential.

The powers of samayama supposedly include “extraordinary mental capabilities” and “supernatural powers” and leads to the serenity in Kaivalya (see Padas-chapters III and IV of Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras). I’ve not experienced supernatural powers, am not seeking them, and have not heard anyone reporting them. But completeness of “being”, balancing the parts of my being, does bring a glimpse of serenity that becomes easier and easier to hold onto. With this I seem to be more in sync and move more smoothly through the world. Life seems to be easier to navigate.

---

Finding a way from Dhyana to Samadhi, from my Vijnanamaya Kosha to my Anandamaya Kosha, was the most significant step in my yogic journey. I had taken multiple classes in meditation over many years but had always been left trying to force myself into a “deeper” meditation level rather than to a “different” level. I attribute my slow progress my being too “brain-centric”. I had expected Samadhi to be almost a druggy meditation experience. Boy was I wrong!

My meditation experiences included TM which was nice but expensive and usually took me only as far as Dharana (concentration), Blue Mountain, which was good at getting me into Dhyana (meditation), and Vipassana which took much time but was with wonderful people in a conducive environment. I possibly did get to Samadhi occasionally through Vipassana but did not recognize it. I haven’t done the newer courses in mindfulness but in the little I have done in past years I never got out of my thinking mind. I’m sure all of these techniques do not get some practitioners to the goal of samadhi. They did not for me. But, they did lay the groundwork for my further explorations and for that I will always be grateful.

I encourage practitioners and students who are doing well with their meditation practice to continue on your path but to remember the goal of Samadhi. It’s achievable for all. If you choose to try this sadhana and have questions or comments, please don’t hesitate to contact me. Feedback is appreciated.

God’s love and blessings to all, Jai Shankar/Jerry Harrison

In most blogs every new post is placed at the top.  I have manipulated posting dates so they are ordered from oldest post at the top to newest last.  This should not make any difference to understanding these facts of my experiences.  But it does keep the history in order, and helps me keep up with where I am and what of my personal understandings I have added.   I will try to remember to put the actual posting date in the heading.   Thanks,  Jerry

I need to  define some terms and concepts I will be using in this writing.  I realize that I may not use these completely correctly per pundits so I will try to explain what they mean to me here.  Most of these terms come from yoga, particularly the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, various concepts from Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christianity, and some from various esoteric writing.   These terms have come into my lexicon over many years and are used to define my understanding of the universe—my cosmology, if you will.  Even though I profess to be trying to avoid religions and beliefs in favor of observations and facts, much of this edges close to religion and belief.  Again, I will try to delineate between facts and belief.

In no particular order of importance (I will add to this list as I use or think of relevant terms/concepts.):

Duality:  In every concept there is inherently its opposite.  Black-white, good-evil, up-down, right-left, in-out, light-dark, positive-negative, love-hate, etc.  One always creates the other.  The first step in resolving duality, as far as I know, is to recognize that together the two sides create a “one”.  I encourage people to ponder this.  There is much energy in the separation of anything into duality.  That energy plus the opposite energy of the natural urge to resolve the duality fuels much of the activity, social, physical and otherwise, in our world.  (Think electrons-protons, democrats-republicans, any two tribes , present-nonpresent (past/future).)  And there is an energy release when duality is resolved—- from nuclear fusion and exothermic chemical reactions, to divided social groups finding common ground, calmness of becoming “one” in meditation, two becoming one when making love—anything that brings us into “one.”  Duality is possibly my favorite concept for contemplation.   There are even areas of mathematics devoted to it (beyond my abilities to follow.)    Again, I encourage all to consider duality.

Atma, Purusha and Prakriti:    These terms come from Hinduism and there are subtle variations of meaning in different writings and from different ages and sects of Hinduism.  I expect many, maybe most, Hindu scholars may disagree with my use of these terms, but…. This is what they mean to me.   Atma is our very core within our soul— the consciousness that is carried by our souls into our bodies.  It is the awareness of our experience.  It is not the instigator of our activities or even our thinking.  It the bit of “God” that is us.

I consider Purusha to be congruent with Atma but used with more emphasis on awareness.   Purusha is the awareness or consciousness of prakriti.   Prakriti is everything that can be contemplated, that is, everything that is not purusha (consciousness cannot contemplate itself—it simply is.)   Together the duality of Purusha and Prakriti make up the entire universe—ENTIRE!

Important in this understanding of Purusha and Prakriti is the idea that nothing exist if there is not some awareness of it.  This is the basis of the koan, “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?”  Purusha exists only as consciousness of Prakriti.  Prakriti exists only as object of Purusha’s consciousness.  The ultimate duality!  And it resolves scientific theory and religious theory.  At the moment of the “big bang” matter in all it’s forms (Prikriti) and consciousness of that matter (Purusha) came into existence together.  For me, it is Prakriti plus Purusha that is GOD.  I refer to this combination of Prakriti and Purusha as The Brahman (not to be confused with the creative facet of God called Brahma) though in many branches of Hinduism The Brahman is considered equivalent to the Atman (see below.)  Our physical bodies, brain, mind, mental activity, even our “soul bodies” are all Prakriti, as well as all the material universe and energy in all forms.

All consciousness of the universe together, the total of all Purusha/Atma,  is the Atman—the consciousness of God.  That is why God knows all.  Our consciousnesses are part of God’s consciousness.  (I like to think I am a tiny, tiny pixel in God’s image of the universe.) I believe (yes believe) this ultimate duality of Purusha and Prakriti resolves only at the, so called, end of the universe.

One last thought on this subject of atma, Purusha and Prakrita.  There is a wonderful term to describe our atma:  SatChitAnanda—-being, consciousness, bliss.  We have being, and consciousness (whether or  we use it much).  May we all know bliss.

Yoga Sutra IV 3 :   Written about 2500 years ago, the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali is a string (suture thus “sutra”) of short aphorisms (sutras/pearls on the string) defining the basis, practice, and intended outcomes of the practice of yoga.  There are four Padas or sections each containing from 34 to 56 sutras. There are many translations of this into English.  (My favorite is titled “The Science of Yoga” by I.K.Taimni, copyright 1961.)   One of the most important for my general understanding of the nature of Prakriti is Sutra IV3 that says, “Causes do not put Prakriti into motion but only remove the obstacles and coverings, like a farmer removing barriers to let water flow into the field.”  That is, changes that happen in prakriti are already inherent in the prakriti and only come about by removing obstructions to the changes.  Ice is inherent in water and is “caused” by removing the energy that keeps the water molecules from forming crystals.  Sugar in water can become alcohol by ingestion-digestion-excretion by yeast.  Adding acid to a sucrose solution will break it down into glucose and fructose.  Strong acid will reduce it to carbon.  The glucose, fructose and carbon are already in the sucrose.  But neither sugar water or lead can be turned into gold because gold is not inherent in them.  Water into wine is getting into belief for me and I will not deny the possibility of true miracles.  My understanding of life incarnate and disincarnate follows scientific ideas and laws known and understood and yet to be known and understood.  So I use this rather direct and simple “scientific” yoga sutra to, in part, support my approach and understanding of the events that are discussed in the attached book and in the following blogs.  Basically, I think this sutra says we can look at the subjects of life, death and reincarnation scientifically.

Incarnation, Disincarnation, and Reincarnation:   I expect any reader who found this blog understands these terms but I want to make clear and alert readers to the abbreviations I will use in most of this writing.    Incarnation (incar)  living in an alive physical body.  Disincarnation (disincar) living outside a physical body after death of the physical body.   Reincarnation (reincar)  reborn into a living physical body.

The following blogs will pick up where the book, From Jeremy With Love/Beloved Being ends and continue through his return (yes, he did return) to the present.

Please add comments, agreements, disagreements.  Our worlds constantly expand.  Sharing our experiences and understandings advance us all on our journeys.

 

I ended the book, From Jeremy With Love, in August, 2004.  I am going to pick up with a few observations from mid 2003 that had not been included in the book, and then chronicle my interactions and communications with Moma, other disincarnate beings and Jeremy (after his disincar return) from that point.  The content is rather random, guided by questions that I came up with at the time of interaction and emotional conditions, etc.  ( When disincar we can be happy, sad, worried, relaxed, etc. just as we are incar.)   Much of what I report here may seem very mundane to most readers but may provide insight to others.  I prefer not to edit and decide what is important but to report all the data as best I can and allow the reader to determine what data, if any, is significant to him or her.  I will, however, occasionally insert my interpretation of a communication.

In writing with Moma I realized that while I stood in the material incar world and she in the non-material disincar world,  we were still both a little in each other’s world.  We were/are in the same universe.  This is reality.  All of us are either enmeshed in and responsible for a material prikriti body or free of a material body—but all of our consciousnesses are always in one universe.

Several times Moma made clear that she would not check on reincarnated Jeremy because he had asked her to watch over me.  During that time she frequently exhorted me to “write.”  I hesitate to say it, but sometimes I think I was “set up” to report these experiences and communications—that I may have only been allowed to communicate with Jeremy and other disincar beings so I could tell others about them .   And, I think the most important message that I have been given is that life goes on after death of our physical bodies and, under certain conditions, disincars and incars can communicate.  Sorta “the media is the message.”

Jeremy had said that his reincar in 2002 would last only 10 years.  In July, 2003, I questioned  Moma if she would know when Jeremy was ready to leave his new body and she replied “Yes.”  That was important to me.  Since Jeremy had gone to meet Moma and bring her to us after her physical death/disincar, I was concerned that Jeremy would not find his way back to her and me without guidance.

In January, 2004, I asked Moma if she felt love around her.  She wrote “yes.”  I asked if she thought love might be empowering when we are disincarnate.  Again she replied “yes.”   After my encounter with the beings of light (see page 89 of book) I, personally, believe that love is has actual force, and, crazy as it sounds, that force may be physically measurable someday in a meaningful way.  In February, I again noted in my writings with Moma that love may be the power that brings everything together, from subatomic particles  through the most subtle structures to groups of all kinds, both small and large.  (Reminding ourselves of all the implications of the love-hate duality.)

Also in February, 2004, Moma told me that she was “around” only part of the time but could not tell me where she was when not with me.    (She had, however, told me in 2003 that she had been to “heaven,” but did not elaborate on that.)  In December, 2004 I asked Moma where she would be if not here with me.  She wrote that she didn’t know but the she “feels love here.”  I suspect we all, incar or disincar,naturally gravitate to love—lots of implications!

In September, 2004, I asked Moma if she was considering reincarnation and she wrote “Yes.”  I asked if she would make the decision.  She replied “No.”  When asked who will decide she wrote, “The others,” referring, I assume, to the panel of beings that Jeremy had dealt with who we called “The Powers That Be”.   During this time, two years after Jeremy’s reincar, Moma was having doubts that he would leave his new body and return to us.  I was also.  No one wants a ten year old to die even if it would bring them back to us.  On October 4, Moma was still interested in reincar but the decision still had not been made.

The subject of Moma reincarnating came up several times over the next eight years and, I admit, I was ambivalent.  I wanted Moma to have what she desired but I also wanted her to stay with me through 2012 when Jeremy was supposed to come back.  Several times I spoke to (prayed to?) The Powers That Be asking that, if Moma was to reincar, she should be born to loving parents in a good home, and, if not, she should be allowed to stay with me.  But I always asked that God’s will be done.  (For me God’s will is equivalent to dharma—cosmic order.)

Several times I asked Moma about ways to improve our communication.  It was questionable if she could hear other people’s voices but she seemed to understand me okay.  I asked if there was anything I could do to make our writing easier and she replied, “Yes, yoga.”  I took this to mean that yoga would help my attention and focus.  I also asked if alcohol would make communication easier.  She wrote, “Harder.”   (Alcohol relaxes the arms muscles and seems to make writing easier BUT use of alcohol is discouraged by others who do automatic writing, I understand, because it may open up the receiver too much and may be dangerous if the “channeled being” is in conflict.)

 

 

 

 

In early 2005 (? late 2004) a girl from Jeremy’s high school class died of  renal cancer.  Though Jeremy’s mother and I did not really know her when they were in school together, she and Jeremy seemed to have a strong connection and his death had been  traumatic for her.  She was sensitive, talented, and insightful.  She and I corresponded several times after Jeremy’s physical death.  On February 9, 2005, this disincar young lady joined Moma and I.  (I assumed Moma guided her to us.)  At first she seemed to be disoriented.  When we tried to write together she did move the pen in my hand but wrote no words.  However, on Feb. 24th when I asked “How are you?” and she wrote “Am.”  Over the next several months she would be with us occasionally.  In early June she wrote her name from left to right and right side up as if taking my arm from behind me. (Most all disincar automatic writing evolves to upside down and right to left as if being is in front and facing me.)  Her writing was rather tight and she replied “yes” when I asked if she used much energy to write.  When I asked her what being disincarnate is like, she clearly wrote “Nothing like I ever imagined.”  That was the last time we wrote.   I assume she moved on to be with other beings and eventually reincarnated.

My mother left her physical body on May 2, 2005 at the age of 90 after 7 years of total incapacitation following a severe stroke.  She had suffered much through those last years and her physical death was a blessing. On May 8th Moma wrote that she had made contact with  my mother, that she was not with us but she was alright.  On May 12 Moma wrote, “Undead Mom undead.”  I asked if she (Mom) wanted me to know that she’s alive and Moma wrote, “Yes.”

Mother joined us on July 22nd with her presence “announced” by Moma.  I asked Mother to take my hand/pen.  There was a change in feeling in my arm and the pen immediately began to move slowly left to right.  (Moma had been writing right to left.)  No words were written, just movement.   On the 23rd Mother again moved the pen well, worked on writing right to left and did write “yes” but again left to right.  On the 26th she wrote “no pain”, “feels joy”  and replied “no” when asked if being disincar was as she expected.  On July 31st, when asked how they were, Moma wrote “alright” from right to left and upside down.  Mother then wrote “alright ” left to right and right side up.  She also again wrote “no pain” and “feels love.”  On August 10th I asked mother to write her name and she clearly wrote “Lillian.”

During this time period, Moma and I were writing about twice a week.  Mother was with us intermittently.  On Sept. 13th she was not here.  I asked Moma where mother was.  She wrote that she knows where Mother had gone but could not write where. (?) I questioned, “heaven?” and Moma replied “yes.”  On the 21st and 22nd mother was back but had difficulty writing.  We practiced writing the alphabet “normal” and upside down and backwards but we seemed to be working against each other.  On October 11th.  Moma wrote that mother was afraid but could not tell me why.  On Oct 20th both Moma and Mother here.  Mome wrote “unsure.”   (???)   Mother did not write.

During the next three months Mother and Moma both here intermittently, together or separately.  Also other beings would occasionally be by for a few days.  I tried to streamline communication by using vertical lines for “yes” and horizontal lines for “no” rather then waiting for the beings to learn to write words.  This worked well for Mother as well as some other beings.

Moma was gone from Jan. 6 to Feb. 14, 2006.  On return she clearly wrote her name (communication good) but could not or would not tell me where she had been.  A week later she revealed that she had been speaking with the “Powers That Be” and that her reincarnation had been approved!  She was gone several times in the next month to work on her reincar ( per Mother.)   I understood that she hoped to be with Jeremy— both in new bodies.  However, by March 29th. a new body had not been assigned and Moma understood that it may be another year.  In June I noted that Moma was “not good” and seemed to be upset re her plans for reincarnation.  In August she indicated that reincarnation was near but did not tell me when.  Then in Sept she was happy, “fulfilled” with “no sadness” and “No frustration!”  I questioned love.   On Sept 19th. when asked what she had been doing, she wrote “worshiping.”  From this I believe she had a new intimate companion and, perhaps, reincarnation was not as pressing.   (Over the preceding years, when Jeremy and Moma were disincar together, I came to understand that “worshiping,” as they used the term, is a sexual type of union between beings—think of the Buddhist depictions of high beings/gods and their consorts/goddesses in sexual union!  I believe the one-pointedness, the bonding, the focus that comes with sexual union can bring any being into the present moment and presence of God.  That is the basis of Tantric Yoga, as I understand it, and why sex, notoriously, is used in teaching it.  But sex is only a teaching tool.  It’s the focus, the one-pointedness, being in the moment that is the object!  I definitely advise any reader interested in Tantric Yoga to search out a qualified Tantric instructor.)

In  June, 2006, Mother indicated that there was something wrong.  It seems she had been advised that she “must” reincar but that she did not want to.  However, unknown to us,  no body had been “assigned” and it would be over 2 years before that would take place.

In January, 2007, the son of friends died after a long battle with leukemia.  Some being, I believe him, came by on Jan.. 18th.  He was exuberant with lots of energy.   He wrote two letters (? his initials) and then wrote  “I live I live   live   live!”  I never told his parents about the visit.  From my experience when Jeremy died, I knew they were in terrible mourning. I also knew they fully believed that their beloved son lived.  I understood from Moma that that young man was by a few times in the next month but we never wrote again.

On April 12, 2007 Mother was present after being away for a few days.  She indicated that she had been at a good, happy place, was doing okay and would be with me for a few days.  I asked her to write her name as I often did if there was any question in my mind which being I was communicating with.  She wrote “Lillian” but with some difficulty.  On April 26th.  Mother again wrote that she feels love and has no pain.  For the first time she wrote that she wanted to reincarnate.

During 2007-2012, unless I was out of town, I sat at least twice a week to write/communicate with Moma and any other disincar being who might be present.  Most of the communications were very mundane (“How are you?”  “Is there anyone else here?”   “Have you spoken with the Powers That Be?” (Rarely yes)  etc.)   Occasionally we would get into more substance and I would make notes concerning what I thought might be significant.   Admittedly, my professional, family and social life was often distracting during this time and it was often weeks between conversations of substance.  This blog writing is taken from the notes from those conversations and reflects the gaps between those of substance.   Goodness knows how much I missed!

Several times over the years I would ask what I could do to improve communication between incar and disincar.  ALWAYS the answer was “Yoga.”  And I know Moma meant the deeper internal meditative stages of Yoga.  Considering my puny yogic abilities, I can only imagine the universe that some advanced practitioners might experience.

On July 31st, 2007  I questioned Moma if she had remembered Jeremy from past lives.  She wrote that she only knew him (remembered him?) from when he came to her after she had left her last “Moma” body.  That turned out to be consistent with later revelations after Jeremy’s return.

On August 9th. I asked Moma if it is hard to write with incar beings (me).  She replied “No.”  I asked if other disincar beings know about our writing.  “Yes.”  And if it is okay with them.  “Yes.”  Then I asked “Why is it okay?”  She wrote back:  “You will tell others.”

On September 6, 2007 Moma wrote the Mother was reincarnated but did not know where.  However, Mother was back on November 27, 2007 and again on February 14 and April 3, 2008.  Mother finally did have a “good reincarnation”, per Moma, on October 7, 2008.   I can assume that Moma assumed that Mother had been reincarnated in September, 2007, or that she was to have been reincarnated and it failed because of miscarriage or abortion, or some other reason.  I also don’t know it Mother’s new body was actually born on October 7, 2008 or if that was when she took permanent position of the body.  (see discussion of body development and reincarnation in Summary posts.)

 

 

 

During these years without Jeremy, when usually only Moma and I were writing, I would sometimes ask her about her previous life.  I don’t know if any of the information I got was accurate but I understood she was probably in her late 20’s when she died, had blond hair (she wrote), died on or about October 30th., 1999 (was brought to me by Jeremy in December, 1999) and her last name may have been Elizondo.    On Oct. 9, 2007 I reminded her of her son, Sam.  She became agitated and obviously disturbed.  My arm became spastic, almost ridge and writing was jerky.  I tried to reassure her and calm her.  It was clear that she still had emotional connections with her incar son.

On Nov. 15 she wrote for me to “remember Jeremy well”  and indicated that I needed to remember to bring him back to us.

On April 10, 2008 Moma wrote that “some” disincar being was to be with me every Tuesday and Thursday evening, the times we were writing regularly.  I questioned who had decided that some being, possibly other then Moma, would be with me.  She wrote some long word that I was unable to follow.   As a shot in the dark, I questioned if angels decided.  She replied “No.”   Then I questioned if there were angels present where she was (I had never asked about angels before.)  She answered “Yes.”   Then I asked what they do and she wrote “Undevelop.”    If any reader has an idea what that means, I would appreciate a comment!

June 27, 2008, in pursuit of knowledge and understanding of the disincarnate part of our universe, I queried Moma about how she interacted with other disincar beings:   Were the interactions spiritual?  “No.”  Physical?  “No.”  Intellectual?  “Yes”.   Did she interact with Jeremy in other ways?  “Yes”.  How?   “Orgasmic.”

Also, I questioned if we, as disincars, require sustenance?  “Yes.”  Eat it?  “No.”  Absorb it?  “Yes.”  Is it like energy?  “Yes.”  Is it like food?  “No.”   Is it like love?  “Yes” (+/-).  Is it like sex? “Yes” (+/-).

In August, 2008, I found that Moma was not aware of day, night, rain, or wind.  She was aware of love, energy of the sun and my arm and the pen we wrote with.  She also could perceive orchestral music (I may not have asked about other music) and the colors green, blue and red but not orange.  She felt ecstasy and love but no pain, hunger, discomfort or boredom.

Moma was not always happy with me.  On August 29, 2008, I asked her if she thought I was a pretty good doctor.  Direct to the point, she replied “No.”  I asked why.   “You cheat.”   How?    “You want to compromise.”

In Nov. she wrote “You need to love—love.”

A digression:

I took Moma’s “compromise” statement as a bit of a personal affront and spent some time considering it.  It seemed to imply that compromise was not good.  (That is a major topic in today’s world!)  I realized that Moma’s last body had succumbed to cancer and she may have felt that her doctor’s had not fought it as well as they might have.  However, I, as a family practitioner, frequently have to compromise with reality.  We need to know when the fight is over and help our patients accept their impending physical death.  There are times to compromise as well as times to continue fighting.  Though I was taken aback when Moma wrote her answer I didn’t discuss it with her as I might have.  But I did have to consider that Moma might have a valid point.

We all like to think that once we leave our physical bodies all will be clear to us and we will tap into all knowledge and understanding.  That is so not true!   When we leave our physical bodies we are still who we are, just without the body vehicle.   True we become aware of the disincarnate part of our universe and we lose the pain and suffering inherent in our physical bodies.  But we carry opinions (about doctors among other things?) and values and prejudices and ignorances that we had while incar.    I do believe we may continue to learn and evolve while disincar and might even be better in our next physical life but I’m not sure that I witnessed that.

This being considered, over the next couple of years Moma was sometimes (often?) unhappy and frequently felt I was the cause of her unhappiness by not doing my share of the work preparing for Jeremy’s return.  On November 6, 2008, Moma was “not okay.”  When asked why, she replied “You did not make it”.   I asked “Make what?” but she gave no answer.   On Nov. 11th. I again asked what did I not make, but she wrote only “On A….”  I could not make out the rest of the answer.

On Nov. 18th.  Moma expressed fear that she would have to reincar and that she did not want to.  I “prayed to”/asked the  Powers That Be (PTB) to allow her to stay with me.  This came up again in early 2009.  We understood then that a new body for her was already developing.  I again spoke to the PTB.   On March 12, 2009, Moma wrote that the PTB “agreed” to allow her to stay with me.  She was, understandably, a bit ambivalent.

On May 12, 2009, when I asked if she was okay, Moma wrote “No.”  I asked “What is the problem?” and she replied “You.  I gave up another life for you and you have not changed!” but she could not tell me what change I needed to make.   A bit coldly, I replied only that we both needed to focus on our wait for Jeremy.  I’m sure I should have been more understanding and supportive.  To this day I still do not fully understand the parameters of Moma’s and my relationship.

On May 26th. she wrote “You need to give more love!”  She also indicated that she was lonely.  I suggested that we write more, adding a third day each week.  We tried that a few weeks but it was difficult to fit it into my established schedule and often she was not there, so we were soon back to twice a week.

On June 30th. I asked Moma what she had been doing.  She replied “Worship.”  I asked, “Worship what?” and she replied “Life.”  I then asked if she also worshiped prakriti and she wrote “Yes” (though I question if she understood what prakriti means.)   A few weeks later I asked how she worshiped and she wrote “Meditate.”  Then I questioned how much time she spent in meditation in the past week and she replied “All the time.”   It was only later that I realized that this continuous meditation is a further step from the sexually focused early tantric meditation/worship.  She was practicing being always in the present, disincar and incar —indeed a very high level meditation !

On December 10, 2009, Moma wrote “Remember.”  I asked “Remember who or what?”  Her reply “Jeremy.”  I asked if she knew his new name.  “No.”  I then wondered if he will remember his name (Jeremy).  She wrote “We will.”

April, 2010, Moma says that she does communicate with other disincar beings and some, but not all, are aware of her communication with me.  I asked what is there to do when we’re disincar.  She wrote, “Make want” but I have no idea what that means!

There was nothing noted of our communications from April 2010 until December 2010 when she was again threatened with reincarnation.  I again asked the PTB to please allow her to stay with me since it was only 2 years until Jeremy was to return.  On January 11, 2011 reincar was still being considered but not demanded by the PTB though it would be a “good reincar” and Moma was becoming doubtful that Jeremy would be returning.  On January 18 and again on the 25th. the PTB encouraged Moma to reincar.  However, on January 27th. she wrote that she had rejected reincarnation at that time and that the PTB were okay with her decision.

On March 17, 2011 Moma wrote that the preceding week a being from the PTB “panel”  (? name Orien)  had visited her and actually wrote with me briefly.   I was not aware of it, but Moma said the PTB being was “Okay” with our writing.

On April 12th. Moma was here and happy.  She wrote, “I have a boyfriend” but did not give his name.  Later I understood that his name was William (he wrote his name) and that he had been known to Jeremy and me in past lives.  He also said that he had left his last body 9 years before, which, I understand from some authorities, is a long time to be disincar.  He also said that in the life prior to William he had been named Donald and died over 40 years ago.  ( I had had a best friend named Donald who died at age 18 in 1964!)  Later he wrote the he did not know Jeremy, Moma or me from his last life but left open that he may have known us earlier, perhaps when he was Donald.  I am extremely skeptical about how much we can remember from previous lives ( this will be covered in the next couple of posts) but he made Moma happy so I was okay with him being around.  I did advise him that if he was here to help us it would be okay for him to stay.  If not the he should move on.

On May 19, 2011 William was not here.  Per Moma, he felt threatened by my questions and left.  Moma was sad and a little perturbed at me.   I explained that it’s okay to have any relationship outside of our group that would not change our group, but that I wanted to make sure William did not threaten our relationship with Jeremy.  On May 24th. William was back.  I advised him of “rules” and expectations—that we were waiting for Jeremy to return and needed to maintain focus, etc.  He seemed to understand and accept.  He was present on June 14th. but gone on August 9 and 16.  I questioned Moma re William’s attributes and she wrote “More uncontrolling.”  I assumed she was implying that I was controlling but her statement may have had nothing to do with me.

On October 4, 2011 Moma’s writing was “hesitant.”  She wrote that she had again been visited by the PTB and was advised not to write with me.  On Oct. 6th.  l questioned why the PTB advised against further communication between us.  She wrote because I am a “Sleezo” (meaning weak, hedonistic, sordid, despicable I suppose.)  I explained to Moma that I certainly may be a sleezo but that I have a good heart and want the best for all beings.  I questioned to myself if Moma was angry with me because William had left or had become doubtful about Jeremy coming back and wanted out.  However, we continued to write regularly.

In January, 2012 we were made aware that the PTB would tell us when to “pick up” Jeremy.   On August 2nd, 2012 Moma was told that she was to meet Jeremy the next week.  On August 7th we were told Jeremy would come back to us tomorrow!  On August 8th Moma was here but a bit disturbed.  She had been with Jeremy but he was not the same.  He was with other newly disincarnate beings but confused and unaware.  I advised Moma to return to him and give him love and comfort.  ( This was the first time for Moma to “pick up” a recent disincar, as far as I know.)

On August 9th. Moma returned after being with Jeremy again.  He was with his physical body—only 1-2 days dead—and did not recognize her.  I encouraged her to be patient and stay with him and support him.   I asked Moma where Jeremy’s body was but she didn’t know except that it was not in the Omaha area.

August 11, 2012 my notes exclaimed “Jeremy” Here !!!    Moma was also here with him and wrote calmly.  “Jeremy,’ however, seemed confused and questioning and only made small circles with the pen.

 

 

 

On August 11, 2012 newly disincarnate “Jeremy” was brought back to my meditation room by Moma.  On August 12th, Moma wrote rather weakly as if tired or distracted.  “Jeremy” took  the pen but barely moved it.  I told him his story about his previous incarnation as Jeremy, his disincarnation (death) and last reincarnation with the understanding that he would remain in that physical body only 10 years.  I did find out that his name in his last life had been Michael (? spelled Mihael.)  I also began to understand that he had no memory of being “Jeremy,” identifying himself as 10 year old Michael.  Over the next few writings I tried calling him Jeremy with little to no response.  Thereafter I addressed him as Michael, Mike (his preferred) or Michael-Jeremy.  (In the rest of these posts I will refer to him as M/J for Michael-Jeremy.)

From those first days we practiced writing.  M/J picked it up quickly.  Within a couple of months he evolved from writing right side up from left to right to sideways to writing upside down from right to left.  He also appeared to be writing in cursive which, I doubt, a 10 year old would be practiced in.  However, in automatic writing the pen stays on the page rather then jumping up and down from letter to letter so all writing appears “cursive.”

On September 7th. Moma and M/J were here but Moma was not okay!  M/J was still acting like a 10 year old boy.  I had a long talk with (at) M/J explaining that his last physical body had only grown to a 10 year old level before he had to leave it but that his spiritual body was actually a mature being that would be more in the 25 or 26 year old range if physical.  And that it is that mature M/J being, that had been known and loved by Moma.   I doubt M/J understood most of that, reorientation in or out of a physical body takes time, but it was a beginning.  I also had long talks with him about who he and I were/are and our relationship.

On November 8, 2012 the Powers That Be (PTB) advised Moma that she should reincar.  Moma had been disincar since October, 1999— 13 years.  That seems to be a long time to be disincar (authorities have differing opinions on average time) and the PTB may have been feeling “pushy.”  I prayed to the PTB to allow Moma to stay with us unless the reincar they had in mind was the very best for her.  On the 15th. reincar was still being planned.  I again spoke to the PTB admitting that I was, in part, afraid that without Moma I could not continue my interaction/communication with M/J.  I also wanted her to have a really good reincar rather then be pressured into a mediocre reincar because she was overdue.   I did resign myself to Moma’s reincar as planned when it continued in process on November 27th.  It appeared to be on schedule per our writing on January 31st, 2013.  However, by our writing on April 2nd she still had not been introduced to a new physical body.  By mid April it was clear that something had gone wrong and that reincar was not happening for Moma.  She was not happy.

In late November, 2012 M/J was still in 10 year old boy mode, flustering Moma.  I again gave the “mature spiritual body” lecture.  However, it seemed to take another 6 months for him to realize his maturity.  During these months I found that M/J probably had 2 siblings in his last life.   Initially I thought 2 brothers but later decided, and reaffirmed, a brother and a sister.  Also he wrote that he had had a “yellow dog”.   On May 5, 2013 M/J wrote that he had been happy in his last life and would like to go back.

August 13, 2013 Moma here and now okay with M/J.  He was not here and there was some suggestion that he was doing something with the PTB, though that was definitely speculative.

On September 10, 2013 M/J was here complaining of being “bored” and writing that he would like to reincar.  Now that he was acting more mature, I advised him to consider an intimate relationship with Moma since that had made them happy during his previous disincarnation.  Over the next couple of months they did develop a sexual relationship (“spiritual-sexual” I suppose since “physical” not available) and were, apparently, very active.  On November 13th. I made a note that they seemed to be at a level of “tantric oneness!” but I don’t know that that really means anything.  They were involved enough that M/J, with his limited 10 year old experience, asked if they could create another being to be their child.  I tried to explain that, as far as I knew, that was limited to the physical world.  I did not try to discuss the many very interesting questions that his inquiry suggested.  I hope to explore some of those in future blogs.

December 15, 2013 M/J and Moma were here and doing okay.  They had had no interactions with the PTB and did not want to reincar.

January 28, 2014, I questioned if they were aware of disincar animals but they knew of none.

February 4, 2014, I questioned if they stayed in my meditation room where we wrote when we weren’t writing.  They replied that they came only on Tuesday and Thursday evenings when we wrote.

March 4, 2014, they wrote that they feel God’s love when they “worship.”  I assumed that by worship they meant sexual union, as in the past, but they could have meant more direct meditation or some other form of worship.

March 11th.   Moma not here.  It appeared that she and M/J had had some argument or disagreement.  I told him about when he had reincarnated as Michael and advised him to make up with Moma   On the 13th there was still conflict between the two.  I discussed (lectured?) about being a group, family, all for one and one for all, etc.  I also advised them to go past their fantasies and expectations and accept reality.   In retrospect I see how truly ridiculous that advice was since I had little real knowledge of their disincarnate reality or fantasies or expectations.  I was treating Moma like the 28 or 29 year old she had been and M/J like the 10 year old going on 25 he was.

March 20th. Moma and M/J both here and “Okay” but both want to reincar and say they are waiting on the PTB to assign.

March 25th. M/J has gone to meet with the PTB but no reason given to me.  On the 27th he is back, says meeting was not about reincar but can’t or won’t tell me more.  Moma here and okay.  On April 4th. M/J says PTB are concerned about me ! He writes “We Are!”  then “not reincarnate or disincarnate—just ARE!”        Next, on April 15th. he wrote that the PTB are not upset with me but are afraid of our ongoing relationship.  Then on May 15th wrote that he is here only because the PTB directed him to be, that he hates me and wants me to not communicate with him, and added that he loves others, indicating his previous families.

I, naturally, was upset/disturbed by M/J’s anger and tried to understand.  We all know that love and hate are opposite sides of the same attachment.  I questioned if our attachment was keeping one or both of us from moving on.  I questioned if M/J, with no memory of me, simply did not want his life to be interfered with and manipulated by some old incar.   I questioned why the PTB wanted him to stay in our relationship.  Was it for me or him or were we exploring a profound truth that the PTB wanted revealed in the way we were doing?  I even questioned if we were playing in some absurd satanic farce!

The next day, May 16th, 2014, M/J again here.  He wrote that he hates me without reason, with no focus. That it is simply hatred within him.  He needs to let it out and the PTB think that, since I love him, I can be the focus through which he can let it out.   So he was assigned to continue to communicate with me by the PTB.  I told him that I wanted him to identify and focus on one thing about me that he hates.  That I may hate it too.  And together we will work on accepting and changing it.  Then I added that differences are what make us individuals and similarities are what gives us the ability to communicate.  (Probable BS that I would not try to defend in an argument with a real philosopher but sounded pretty good.)

On May 20th. M/J here.  He writes that there is “nothing” he hates about me except that I am incar and he is not and he wants us to all be together.  I told him I do too.   He thinks he might be able to stay disincar until 2022 when I leave my physical body (more about this in later blogs) but I don’t expect that.  On May 27th. M/J says he does not feel hate toward me but agrees to “give me his hate” so I can hold and negate it.   On May 29th. he did not feel hatred “as much.”  And I realized then that I did not feel as attached to him as I had.  For me he had moved from being my beloved son to a friend, brother, partner.   I/we had reached a resolution in our relationship!

On June 5th M/J and Moma here and both wrote briefly.  I noted that there was a complete change in speed and style of writing from one to the other, Moma’s being more drawn out then M/J’s. There was also a change of feeling in my arm when writers changed.

June 17, 2014 Moma was again not happy in her relationship with M/J.  She wrote that he says he loves her and wants to be with her but that he’s different from when he was Jeremy and she does not trust him.  She suggests that she may go to the PTB and request a “separation.”  On June 19th. she was here, again alone, after another (?) conflict.  She wrote that she did not know where M/J was and that she had not contacted the PTB.

June 24th. M/J back and “Okay” but does not want to write about his and Moma;s problems.  June 26th both here and “Okay” but not doing well together.   I advised they try being supportive of each other but without attachment or needing each other—more like neighbors.

For the next several months M/J and Moma did seem to get along reasonably well in a sort of detente.  On July 10th. they were together and okay.  On August 14th. together they wrote that they both wanted to reincar.  I gave my blessing.

Discussions re Moma’s and M/J’s reincar took up most of the next year and included consideration of my coming disincar/physical death and anticipation of my next reincar.   This will require some explaining and personal revelation which I will do at the beginning of my next post.

 

 

 

 

 

 

First some information to help explain up coming conversations between M/J, Moma and me:

On January 27th, 1998, about 2 years after Jeremy and I had begun our automatic writing communication, I asked him if he knew when I should, or would, die.  He immediately wrote May 22, 2022.   I was a little disappointed.  I actually wanted it to be sooner.  Like probably all parents grieving the loss of a child, I frequently bordered on suicidal wanting to be with my son.  However, a couple of days later I started adding up dates.  I had been born at 4:00 pm on November 21st, 1944.  On May 22nd, 2022 at 4:00 am I would have been around the sun in this physical body exactly 77 and 1/2 times and facing exactly opposite from where my body detached from my mother’s.  What perfect timing !  I did not include this information in my book, From Jeremy With Love, because I feared that, if I did not die as predicted, some would consider it  “proof” that everything I’ve experienced and written about is a lie.   I know that that date for my disincar may be totally wrong.  I consider it more likely only an “auspicious” date but have decided to live my life to be prepared to die then anyway.  If I live longer, I’ll consider it free time and just enjoy it as much as an old man can!

Second factor:  On June 22, 2010 I underwent six vessel coronary bypass.  The vasculature through the rest of my body seems to be just fine.  Only my coronaries decided to clog up.  My cardiology friends and I agree that after six vessel bypass there is very little to be done should they clog again and  May, 2022 will be about 12 years post surgery which is a pretty good expectancy.

The third factor:  In 1994 I made a pilgrimage through India with Sadguru Sant Keshavadas and about 50 American devotees.  As part of the experience we were all baptized by Santji in the clear cold water of the Ganges as it was coming out of the mountains into the foothills just outside of Uttarkashi (love Uttarkashi!)   To each of us Santji gave a bit of personal benediction.  To me he said, “You will have one more life after this and you will live it as a saint.”  I, always the skeptic, caught a chance to speak with Sant Keshavadas alone that evening and asked if he told everyone  the same thing or something similar.  He answered that he had no idea what he told anyone—that the words just came out only for us and he didn’t remember them.  I don’t know if that was only a good story from an itinerant guru but I decided that no one would be hurt if I considered his prediction a possibility.  At first I thought being a saint to be a honor.  Later I realized that it’s not.  It is essentially agreeing to live your life totally for others and has a good chance to not be much fun!

So these are my personal factors that came into play in my interactions with Moma and M/J as we considered their reincarnation plans over the next year.

 

In August, 2014, when M/J and Moma told me they both wanted to reincarnate, I explained my desire to die and then reincar close behind them,  maybe to be a little brother or friend.  I told them about the possible “saint thing” and that I felt I would need a support group.  They both indicated that they were willing to help me if needed.  We ended that writing with them planning to speak with the PTB.  I requested that I be advised where they might reincar so, hopefully, I could join them.   I have no idea if it is possible or acceptable to request a particular reincar but saw no reason to not request.

On August 19th. M/J and Moma had not spoken with the PTB so I agreed to speak for them.  I questioned if they (M/J and Moma) would consider putting off reincar for 2 years to bring them closer to my disincar.   M/J was okay with that but when we wrote on the 21st., after they had thought and discussed, they decided that they wanted to reincar “now.”  I noted on September 11th. that I had spoken/prayed to the PTB requesting a good reincar for M/J and Moma.  I think they had made contact also.

On September 22nd. M/J was here, Moma not here.  I understood she was again upset with M/J.  From then until the end of the year there was little writing of substance.   We continued to meet twice most weeks, writing small talk…”How are you?”  “Okay.”  “Is there any other beings here with us?”  “No.”,  etc…, while waiting for a response from the PTB.  In mid December, 2014, M/J again asked me to speak to the PTB.   I told him I would but “no guarantees.”   On the 23rd. M/J wrote that he recognized the possibility that he and Moma may continue disincar until I joined them in 2022.  On the 30th.  he wrote that (in our group) I am a leader, he is just behind me and many others are following.  I don’t know if there is any truth in that or if he was only trying understand his Moma’s situation and place me in a position of responsibility.

In early February, 2015, M/J and Moma finally met with the PTB.  They came back understanding that it may be another 10 years before they would reincar.  Then on February 17th. M/J wrote that the PTB said that I would die May 22, 2016.  He had no idea why.   I told M/J, fine, I’m ready and  I would start getting my affairs together.  He also understood that he, Moma and I should remain disincar for another 10 years.  I speculated that perhaps we would be receiving some training from the PTB during that time or that, maybe, 10 years later would be a more auspicious time to reincar.  In writings over the next couple of months M/J suggested that multiple beings were to come together in the next 10 years, there was to be a war and battles, etc., etc.  It began to sound like a sci-fi book of Revelations.  I was beginning to wonder if we were in some fantasy realm.

Then on April 23, 2015, M/J wrote that the PTB were now saying that I was to disincar on May 22, 2015! less then a month away.  And, I was leaving on a trip to England and Ireland with friends in the middle of that month…. All very confusing.  On May 12th. I found that Moma had not been aware of my impending disincar and M/J became a bit unsure.  I decided to assume that May 22, 2015 might be a nice day for my disincar but it also may require my acceptance rather then be already decided.  On May 14th, I found that the PTB were not insistent that I leave my body on the 22nd but that M/J wanted me to.  I explained to him that, if I’m not needed disincar, he and I may do better work if we’re on both sides, incar and disincar.  I also questioned to myself if the being I had been writing with as M/J during this time actually was M/J.

We passed the of May 22nd. “crisis” date without incident!   I don’t expect I’ll ever know what was going on with M/J during those first months of 2015.  Had he misunderstood some communication with the PTB?  Was he being disruptive because of immaturity or jealousy?  Did he truly want me to join him and Moma in the disincar part of out universe?   Was the story of my being a leader of some group only a ruse to get gain some favor?  Interestingly, none of these scenarios fit the Jeremy I had known.  But they might have fit the Michael he had been in his last life.

 

Another aside:   On February 26th, 2015 I noted that I had often thought what my arm and hand were about to write just a split second before M/J or Moma wrote it.  It was like their words registered in my mind before writing.  This, of course, made me question if possibly I was creating everything in “our” interactions.  I tried to figure out  ways to test if I was interacting with other beings or deluding myself…. Like a Turing test for artificial intelligence.  However, I did not find questions that I could not have been creating the answers to since I was the creator and presenter of the question.  I did ask M/J about this.  He wrote that sometimes a part of our thoughts are disincarnate beings talking to us.   So, perhaps I need to learn to pay closer attention to my thoughts?  Perhaps consciousnesses do communicate telepatically?  And perhaps I’m having auditory hallucinations?  I may never know but I will consider any possibility.  This is one of the facets in this experience where belief and faith provided the only acceptable resolution.   ( A couple of years later, on June 16, 2017, I asked M/J to write something I would not expect.  He immediately wrote “I am Jeremy.”  This was a real surprise to me since he had no memory of being Jeremy and had resisted being called Jeremy.)

 

On May 28th Moma again was gone after a conflict with M/J.  On June 2nd.  they were both here but not together.  She wrote that she was okay but did not want to reunite with M/J.  He complained that they had “no friends in common.”  On June 4th M/J acknowledged that Moma may have some valid points.  I advised him to tell her that and to apologize for not accepting it earlier.  I was sorta forced into doing couples counseling!    On June 8th.  M/J and Moma were back together.  I suspected that their conflict may have had to do with M/J’s push for me to disincar the previous May so I spoke to the PTB, accepting full responsibility for my interpretation of M/J’s reports, and asking that we be allowed to continue to write together.   On July 2nd.  Moma wrote that she still expected me to disincar in 2016 as per the earlier prediction.

On July 20, 2015 M/J cryptically asked, “To whom do I owe gratitude?”  This would have been a typical teenage Jeremy question to be followed by an in depth discussion.   I admit that, in answering, I got into my own personal beliefs and philosophy.  I plan to discuss this question in detail in Summary Posts.

On July 28th, M/J wrote that he had been with other friends.  I questioned what they talked about.  Reply was “Olympic gods.” (??)  Eh,  could be!

By September Moma and M/J seem to have made up.  On the 3rd they were both “Okay” and had been “worshiping” together.   Same was reported on 8th.  Also on the 8th they acknowledged that homosexual relationships and worship occurred among disincars and (seemed to be) okay.

On September 15th M/J and Moma reported that the PTB agreed for them to reincar but that no time frame was given.  But by the 29th the PTB had offered Moma a reincar “now.”  No details were given re stage of development of the new body or location.  I could only advise Moma to “do whatever she wants.”  On October 6th I noted that there had been no further word from the PTB but we were still expecting Moma to reincar.  M/J was worried about being alone.

On October 9th, 2015 I returned to my meditation room to write after visiting with friends at my neighborhood bar.  I was a bit drunk, depressed and vulnerable.  I too was dealing with our impending loss of Moma.    M/J was here.  I felt such love and caring from him that I had not felt since he was Jeremy child.  A wonderful experience I needed at that time.

On October 20th Moma was with her new body.  M/J was here and feeling lonely.  I sent him love as best I could.

On November 3rd. Moma was back with us.  We had a long discussion re her new body, determining that all was developing well with no problems.  I questioned if she might be the child of some friends of mine that was to be born in 3 to 5 months.  I told Moma that they are a great couple and will be wonderful parents.  We left that writing considering this a real possibility.   On November 10th. and again on the 17th. Moma wrote that she thinks that my friends are to be her new parents.

On December 1st, 2015 Moma was not here.  M/J wrote that she was with her new body and was to be born about January 21, 2016.  He was sad and confused over Moma’s reincar.  He asked, “What will I do?”  I told him a few options:  Reincar himself, stay here with me, look for other compatible disincar beings.  This seemed to calm him but I expeceted, even though he and Moma frequently did not get along, her loss would be difficult for him.

The 17th. of November, 2015 was the last time Moma and I wrote together.  She had been writing with me since Jeremy brought her to my meditation room in December of 1999—16 years.  I know I was a burden for her.  Though sometimes petulant and disgruntled, she stayed with me for my sake.   I will always be grateful.  I hope and pray I may lovingly repay her in our future.

Expect next post in about 10 days.